Thursday Tattle / Put Down That Can!

Today's tattle is again brought to you by my incredulous husband's observant eye and insane drivers everywhere.

This one goes out to you, Mr. Chinese Fire Drill Beer Drinker. You crazy rule-bending road champion. You master of the truckbed cooler.

Somehow, when Nashville authorities asked you to conserve water, you complied by drinking beer? After getting out of your car at a stop light? And walking around behind to the passenger's side of your truckbed? And pulling out a beer from a cooler? And opening it? And drinking it?

And walking back around just before the light turned green, getting back into the driver's seat, and continuing to sip your tasty beverage of choice as you drove away?

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

In the words of that wise sage, Bill Engvall, HERE'S YOUR SIGN.

A New Song

Nashville Flood 2010 from Ben De Rienzo on Vimeo.

Nashville Needs an Ark!

We didn't float away, but our Internet connection may have.

Nobody expected the disaster from this weekend that ended up with whole streets and sub-divisions under water. For 2 1/2 days, the rains came down and the floods came up. My husband and I, thank God, are safe and sound, with only soggy shoes drying out on our doorstep, a leak in our bathroom ceiling, Facebook status addiction withdrawal from our Internet provider's lack of service (getting right on that, AT&T?), and an army of displaced refugee ants in our kitchen to show that anything happened.

We are sorry to inform the world wide web community that the ants will soon die as they have been feasting for the past 12 hours on delicious and deadly poison drops. I'm sorry. I know that is insect cruelty, but they must go.

The irony is that the floods began at the exact time we started looking around at other apartments and homes for rent in our community. The two places we visited ended up under water not even 24 hours later. I feel deeply saddened for the losses the people in those areas suffered. It's horrible. Devastating. Shocking. Numbing. And yet I can't help but feel a twinge of gladness that we did not apply at either place to rent in the future. Is that horrible? I know this is a flood of epic proportions--we met people who had lived in the Bellevue area of Nashville for nearly 50 years and had not seen anything of this magnitude. But what if it happens again? Suddenly I am shying away from any viewing any property that mentions the descriptors "Cumberland" or "Harpeth" or "River."

The day after the storms, we were able to find one road to get to work for me (and Panera to work remotely for him) on Monday when the interstates and most major secondary roads were still closed. This, after realizing that with only a quarter tank of gas in his car, we should probably get more in case we were stuck or stranded at any point on the way. So we tried. But our stations only accepted cash (and we only had $8). We went to the ATM. It was down. We went to the grocery store and tried to do cash back. Denied. We waited for the bank to open. It didn't. The vault would not open and all lines were down. A very kind teller offered to give us $5 of her own money to get gas (thank you so much, whoever you are!) We thanked her but declined. We had stocked the car with food and water in case we got stuck anywhere, but we needed gas. Fortunately we did find a bank that was open and also a gas station that accepted debit cards a little further down the one road we could take into Nashville. From that point on, the debris and caution tape that had been cut down marked where water had been across the road we took, but it was safe to travel. I made it in to work only two hours late. It was a surreal experience. Since then, our phone service has returned, but the Internet is still down and my access is limited to work hours.

Please pray for the flood victims. Daniel and I are hoping to contribute in some way. I almost feel guilty that we were spared anything more than inconveniences, when neighbors a mere 5-10 minutes down the road from us lost everything and were rescued by boat from the second stories of their homes.

Photo by: president raygun

National Poetry Month / Coffee Love

Oh Coffee! I won't 
ever quit you again. You 
are my one true love

-Kaila in Maine

(I concur.)

National Poetry Month / The right side speaks for itself.

I have a confession to make:

I bought a book of                    poetry
to share with you.
Hundreds of poems,
all unique,
all voices of the past and
present and full of what             is
cherished by English
professors                               everywhere.
But
I did not share it in time.
The month is almost over.
The only thing I have to
show for it is a new-found
appreciation for the poets
of the world.
And this post, which is a
nod to a form I saw in a
book last night. At Borders.
Called Crank.
It's about a drug user, but
I saw the two-poem in one
and fell in love.

Thursday Tattle / The Goat & The SUV

So Daniel was driving home from work last week, and he ended up behind a terrified goat, in a cage, on the back of an SUV. The poor thing huddled as close to the side of the SUV as it could in its wire cage.

I'd be afraid, too, if someone grabbed me, shoved me in a cage, and strapped the cage to the back of their vehicle and started down I-24. Sheesh. I mean, seriously, I-24 during rush hour is in itself scary enough!

Thursday Tattle

So, we have these new neighbors. Okay, they're not much newer than us, but for the life of me I can't figure out how many of them there are. At last count ... 2 very verbal dogs, 1 aloof cat, 3 redheads, 1 shirtless (and wordless) wanderer, 2 older men, and 1 baby. In a three bedroom apartment. We call it the clown house.

The shirtless wanderer sings meditative songs and boxes his shadow in the window at night after walking around sans shirt (and almost sans pants) with one of the dogs. He doesn't talk much.

Two of the redheads must be 60-something sisters. They have thick accents from somewhere cityish like Boston, or Milwaukee, or Brooklyn. One of them sits and feed the baby. The other one yells, "oh, shaddup!" to the vicious white ball of fur that threatens to tear our throats out every time we walk by. Yes, she says "shaddup," and that's how it's spelled. I'd say "shut up," but then, who am I to tell her how to talk?

The youngest redhead is haggard and worn out (from dealing with her clan and her baby, no doubt.) She wears loose, comfortable clothing, and I always have the impression she needs to go somewhere and is just in between places.

The two older gentlemen are chauffeurs, I think, and baby tote-ers. The baby is happily unaware.

As for the black cat? It comes and goes. Where to, nobody knows, and it's green eyes won't tell.

Monday Mood

I've been pondering, of late. I feel a bit blah; a Premium-cracker blandish, flat 7-Uppish kind of stale bread blah. It's like a million colors of inspiration have swirled around in my head, poured out through my thoughts, and bled into the empty air.

Then I realized: the wedding is over. I don't have a project anymore.

The fluster and fuss and dreaming and scheming and budget-keeping is no more. I miss it.

I've read of this, before, in one of those bazillion emails The Knot or The Nest have sent me. They call it the post-wedding blues. Women actually MISS wedding planning. I would never have believed it three months ago when I was afraid I'd lose all my hair before I had a chance to walk down the aisle. All I longed for (other than finally being the Mrs. to my beloved Mr. B) was to have a NORMAL existence again. One in which the words "escort card" or "tulle" did not exist. Especially since I had worked so hard to AVOID using tulle in the first place.

I don't miss the stress. Heavens, no; I could never miss that. I was not what you'd call the most pulled-together bride. Planning, apparently ... NOT my forte, especially when other people are involved (or at least not for this Lone Ranger kind of schoolgirl to whom the words "group project" brought fear and trembling and much gnashing of teeth.)

Now, being creative for a purpose? That, my friends, I miss with all my heart. I miss creating an environment, a dream world, a tangible emotion. I even miss being "the bride," almost as much as I'm relieved I'm not one anymore! Not so much because I want the attention, but more because I had an identity that was recognized by many. For once in my life, I had been "somebody."

It's like having been the birthday girl for seven months straight and then realizing the birthday is over and you're just another year older. You're not particularly special. You're just another young (albeit married) woman again. Well, la-dee-dah.

I feel like I need to slip into another identity. To drive another dream-project into reality.

Or do I?

Could it be this longing is just ... my soul ... waiting to seek God with the same passion I sought after reception ideas and flowers in my budget?

Hmmm.

National Poetry Month / Love That Dog

I can't get enough of this little book by Sharon Creech. You can read it in an hour, but it sticks with you.

Written in free verse, as a "diary" of an elementary school student, the story follows Jack and his experiences with poetry in class. He doesn't like poetry. Poetry is for girls. He said so in his required diary:

JACK

Room 105 — MISS STRETCHBERRY


SEPTEMBER 13


I don’t want to
because boys
don’t write poetry.


Girls do.

Yet, somehow, poetry begins to grow on Jack. At last, he stumbles on the poem "Love That Boy" by Walter Dean Meyers (see first stanza excerpt, below), and it strikes a chord deep inside him. It makes him think of his dog, who died. From that point forward, Jack learns to cope with his grief and express himself through free verse. He begins to write about how he "Loves that dog," just like Walter Dean Meyers loved "that boy."

Walter Dean Meyers


Love That Boy


Love that boy,
like a rabbit loves to run
I said I love that boy
like a rabbit loves to run
love to call him in the morning
Love to call him
"Hey there, son!"

What do YOU love?

Work in Progress

Over the next few months, my new project is to change directions with this blog and turn it into something ... more. I'm still working on the details.

If things change or don't work, don't worry; it's all part of the process. I might change my mind a million times, but eventually I will have a working model.

The goal, just so you know, is to host the blog on our server and to park it under its own name. Which will probably change from Ruby Red Said to something more descriptive of my creative life and also something which will connect with more readers. I'd like to expand the blog into a site that has the capacity to showcase any products I'm working on, display tidbits of writing, and also explore the beautiful things that God has put all around us but we don't notice as much on a daily basis.

Stay tuned.

Stay tuned.

A Month In Celebration of Poetry!

This is Emily Dickinson. She's my favorite.

There is something pure about an Emily poem. Something unadulterated and poignant. Something that tugs at the thing with feathers that perches in my soul.

I stole this picture from a link at Poets.org. They, in turn,got it from Amherst College Library. I hope the good folks at Amherst won't mind me using it to promote a dear poet.


So why am I writing about Emily Dickinson? Simply, because it is April ... or National Poetry Month. My dear friend Joy and I decided to collaborate and each blog through the month by sharing our favorite poems, poets, and some of our own poetic works. We hope you will enjoy the endeavor, and perhaps discover a new favorite!


So hello, Joy's readers, and welcome! For my own faithful few ... you will love Living Life in the Shades of Gray, her blog, and her Wordless Wednesdays. (I want to see her somehow tie in photography and poetry!)

In parting, for now, I will leave you with the words that I have shared before, but will repost again, because of their timeliness and closeness to my dreamer's heart ... words Emily spoke nearly 170 years ago:

 

 

I ’M nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there ’s a pair of us—don’t tell!
They ’d banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!	5
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Sleeptalking Husband Barks and Chases Vampires!

I stretched, rolled over, repositioned myself, pummeled the pillow a few times for good measure, and was about to fall back asleep when Daniel began to bark.

Yes, I said BARK.

"Aaaarr rraaa raaa rraaa grrrrrr mmmb ah aaa baaaarrrrr."

Ummmm, what? I asked for clarification, which he gladly, mumbling, gave, "stop following me." What do you say to that? I just smiled to myself and let it be. I went back to sleep.

Only to be woken from a very deep sleep by this alarming sentence: "put Zoe down!"

What? What was wrong with my dog? I asked for more details. He mumbled something about pieces of her being carried away by vampires. He was apparently chasing them. Awwww. Good husband. Taking care of my poor, dismembered, doggy. How brave.

Have I mentioned I love this man? Endless entertainment. If ... a bit ... macabre this time around.

New Crave

Candy colored accents, or gray and yellow graphical elements.

Lately, I can't get enough of these!

(Bird print from my wish list at Etsy, sold by seller mysunshinevintage and cool re-purposed vintage plates from Ninainvorm:)

Frenetic Caffeinated Irish Typing

Filling orders at the job, listening to Riverdance (as played by the Boston Pops) and fueled by a Grande Caramel Latte from Starbucks. I keep typing faster and faster ... my fingers are doing a little step dance of their own.

I blame coffee and my Irish heritage. Haha!

Nashville, 7:43 a.m.

Misty city morning.
Sleepy buses lumber
up drowsy streets.
Blushing light spills
over a hillside zenith
and steam rises above
lavender glass,
silver metal,
and shadowed brick and concrete
stained by passing hands;
a lone guitar is tuned.
Twang.
Coffee brews.
Footsteps hasten.
Batman gleams, and
Nashville wakens.

Amish Vampires?

Two things I don't understand:

1) The popularity of vampire characters in teenage fiction. Perhaps it is the lure of danger and the forbidden?
2) The popularity of Amish characters in Christian fiction. Perhaps it is the lure of safety and the forgotten?

Dust off your Polaroid camera!

I was blog hopping this evening and kept running into people mentioning the Impossible Project. I finally had to know what they were talking about and almost literally caught my breath in delight: they have created a new film for Polaroid cameras! Now I have an excuse to beg, borrow, or steal the camera that I wanted for years and years but never bought because right when I was about to do so ... Polaroid went out of business, and their film expired just in the past few months. Polaroid photography is back, friends! Yay!

Ditch Digging at The House, Circa 1997

Red clay.
HOURS of digging.

Rotten *stinky* vegetation

(gag-worthy)

from \where\ the trees

and overgrowth

were plowed                under.

Wet.

SQUOOSHY.

                                STICKY.

                                                HEAVY.

Resistant. Hard.

        You can imagine ...

NEVER

( )

AGAIN.

(Formatting provided by MelindaJ.)

Pink / Purple / Blue. Sun / Wind / Rain. Trucks / Highway / Me. Storm / Rainbow / Books.

I drove to book club last night after it had just stormed and journeyed through an array of brilliantly lit canvases of city life from stark, modern imagery soaked in light and shadows, to soft, pastel impressionistic strokes subdued by mist from the passing trucks. God painted. I drove and stared in awe.

Pebble sized hail had ricocheted off my sliding glass doors and then plummeted to the ground. Wind had wrapped around my townhome building. Driving rain had drenched the ground and turned my walkway into a lake.

After the worst, I scurried to my car, carefully cradling a glass casserole dish that contained my grandmother's famous chocolate cake. Then I drove south, to Brentwood. A rainbow spanned the city of Nashville.

I savored my place in this momentary and idyllic urban pastoral scene.

Must. Focus.

Clean the house. Exercise. Eat right. Make some fun iTunes mixes to motivate me.

Sleep.

Latte, Please

I am sipping a McDonald's latte. I want to be sipping a Starbuck's or Fido's latte. Unfortunately, there is no good coffee shop on the way to work by the path I take.

Therefore, I would like to petition that someone set up shop just off the Church St. exit from I-40, between there and, hmm, 10th Ave.

Please and thank you.

My Monsters Are Gone

Anybody seen my monsters? Pink, all stitched up, little red hearts gathered carefully in a plastic bag, purplish spots. I have searched my house, my closet, my car ... they simply are not to be found.

I'm afraid I may have unleashed Mayhem (times three) upon Middle Tennessee.

Dissappearing Act

My husband said in his sleep last night, "I have to warn you. I'm going to disappear."

Yikes. Thanks for telling me, sweetie.

101 Things (More or Less) In 1,001 Days

I ran across this idea when a friend of mine posted her list. She, in turn, had borrowed the idea from a friend of hers. Digging a little deeper, I discovered that the concept had been dreamed up by New Zealander Michael Green in his web project Day Zero.

I love it! Daniel and I decided to make lists of both short and long-term goals. This is a work-in-progress. I will probably need to edit the list to be more precise. Some of my goals, I guess, are hard to quantify. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, here are my own 101 Things:

1. Take a trip to Austin, TX to check out the live music and thriving indie-craft scene
2. Participate in a major craft show
3. Finish my novel, "Searching for an Indian Gentleman: Or, the Princess of Unit 22)
4. Go to Washington, D.C. ... and see the zoo
5. Go to New York, NY ... and see a Broadway show
6. Fly a kite in a park
7. Learn more origami
8. Make chocolates!
9. Speaking of chocolate ... perfect my grandmother's chocolate cake recipe (the best I've ever had)
10. Refinish a piece of furniture
11. Be in Connecticut for a family celebration ... and give my brother and sister-in-law some much-needed free babysitting time while I'm there
12. Go to my cousin Christine's wedding in California in August of 2010
13. Join a Bible Study ... or start one?
14. Craft with friends
15. Make bubbles on a summer day! Bubble wands ... YEAH!
16. Build a snowman
17. Pray for my friends to meet their future spouses. And for their future spouses to hurry up, already.
18. Host a regular game night at our house
19. Volunteer at the library, an art museum, or a community event
20. Share the gospel with someone who is open to listening. Not be scared.
21. Whiten my teeth
22. Make art for our house
23. Gussy up my blog
24. Grover readership and scope of said blog!
25. Average 50 orders a day at least 5 days out of a busy quarter at work
26. Go to the Bluebird Cafe in Nashville, TN for a live show
27. Write a travel log/tour of my favorite spots of Nashville
28. Find a way, every day, to tell and show my husband I love him!
29. Make soap
30. Leave my coworkers each a random, encouraging note or anonymous gift
31. Make fudge from scratch
32. Make the "must see/must listen to" lists of movies and music for Daniel that he and I have been saying for months we need to make for each other every time we look at the other in shock and say, incredulously, "wait. You really haven't seen THAT movie?!!!"
33. See all of Shakespeare's major plays live
34. Decorate our apartment in vintage/modern/eclectic style that combines our interests and aesthetics in a visually pleasing way that is also, well, practical!
35. Buy a Kate Spade purse
36. Make Valentine's Day cards the way I used to like I was a kid. Red and pink construction paper, white paper doilies, crayons, markers, glitter and all ... and give them away to friends and family
37. Perfect at least one healthy, "grown-up" recipe each for pork, chicken, beef, and some kind of fish! By memory! (Daniel can cook circles around me when it comes to main dishes. This must end.)
38. Take a letterpress class. Dreamy.
39. Visit my grandmother in Pennsylvania.
40. Take pictures of fall foliage
41. Take pictures of interiors that I find intriguing
42. Practice writing articles and enjoy the writing process by sharing the lives of people I know and admire
43. Leave a 100% tip
44. Write a list of all my Facebook friends and how I know them--and share it
45. Write a poem
46. Go on an impromptu weekend roadtrip
47. Even better yet, walk into an airport and buy a ticket to somewhere unlikely or intriguing. No luggage. No plans. Just ... adventure!
48. Attend a seminar, class, or conference that enhances my professional life
49. Learn to play "Rhapsody in Blue" on the piano
50. Celebrate my 30th Birthday in a BIG way
51. Go to an opera
52. Eat cotton candy at a carnival or fair
53. Design and purchase a t-shirt
54. Make a return visit to Hopewell Furnace
55. While I'm at it, revisit Valley Forge National Park. Maybe ride a bike on the bike trails.
56. Go on a picnic
57. Take a picture of a bare-limbed tree silhouetted against the colors of a sunset on a clear day
58. Find an active workout I like and become good at it
59. Invent an ice cream flavor
60. Do three pull-ups. Really.
61. Make a "wish" on a floating Dandelion fluff
62. Make art to the music of a soundtrack--whatever I think it looks like, and that comes to mind
63. Set aside time at least twice a month to write at length
64. Start a prayer list and keep it updated--and prayed over
65. Learn to track purchases and adjust to our new joint budget so that we can save money!
66. Make a soundtrack for 2010 and burn a mix CD of "the soundtrack of my life" :)
67. Stay in touch with good friends at least once a month, despite living in Nashville now
68. Call my dad once a week
69. Keep in touch with my brothers on a monthly basis
70. Lose 30 pounds to improve my health
71. Exercise at least two times per week for three months straight.
72. Go stargazing in a field on a warm summer night
73. While I'm at it, catch fireflies! (And release them, of course.)
74. Take a cooking class
75. Read all of the Newberry Award Winning children's books
76. Make mood mixes for my iTunes
77. Organize and/or participate in a Robadue family reunion
78. Be debt free!
79. Make Baked Alaska
80. Start the T.A.G. program (or whatever I end up calling it)
81. Get a MacBook
82. Participate in NaNoWriMo ... and complete the challenge by writing all 50,000 words in 30 days!
83. Organize my papers
84. Get a massage
85. Publish at least one issue of a Zine
86. Get an entire outfit from Anthropologie
87. Make house plans for our new home
88. Learn a foreign language well enough to get by on a trip to another country
89. Learn to do tatting
90. Sell something on Etsy
91. Make a video and post it to the web
92. Get ears pierced
93. Buy really cute earrings for my newly pierced ears
94. Write an article for publication. Be published. And PAID.
95. Play a game of Monopoly all the way through in one sitting
96. Watch all of the Agatha Christie movies
97. Buy a piece of original art
98. Go on a tour of the Crayola Factory with Daniel
99. Visit Hershey Park
100. Actually log one of those "Where's George" bills
101. Memorize a chapter of the Bible

Beautiful, and True

I found this lovely picture in a house tour at Apartment Therapy. It reads "A successful marriage is the union of two great Forgivers."

From the same apartment tour, I also saw this lovely little idea in Emily & Meeko's apartment:

It's 2am ... Do You Know What Your Husband's Talking About?

I am blessed; my husband does not snore.

He does, however, sleep talk. And turn on lamps and spin them on the nightstand while looking at them oddly, hoping to find the switch again, which has apparently disappeared.

With his permission ... nay ... encouragement ... I gleefully report these anomalies of his nocturnal habits to family and friends. The other day he said to me, "you should start a blog about this; we could make money off of it." Well, I don't know about that, but at the very least, I will blog here.

He has talked about getting tickets ... no, just one. To which I replied to my dear sleeping husband, "oh really, and where are you planning on going without me?"

He has talked about figuring out where to get rings. To which I replied to my dear sleeping husband, "honey, you already bought those."

He has talked about how he was broadcasting on the wrong channel. To which I replied to my dear sleeping husband, laughing so hard I woke him up, "yes, yes you are."

And last night, he began to remark something unintelligible. At first I thought he was mumbling about having seven mirrors. So I asked him for clarification. He responded back (still asleep, mind you!) that he had discovered seven errors in Windows 7.

Ah, yes. That's my husband for you. Always the geek. Always working out problems in his subconscious. Although when he's had time between work and setting up house to trouble shoot an entire operating system is beyond me.

Bottom line: he might wake me up in the middle of the night, but at least he keeps me entertained when he does!

In Awe of the Jello-y Goodness

I found this blog via design*sponge (LOVE design*sponge, by the way!) and I have decided, husband and guests of any upcoming party willing, I must try this out ASAP.

Husband & Wife

Preview of the wedding pictures is up!

Ruby Red ... Gets Wed!

Hello, friends. You know who you are. All loyal four of you.

Saturday, I am marrying my best friend, the man of my dreams, my confidante, my rock, my encourager, my love.

Not that I've been writing much as I've been living out this dream, but I will be off the radar for a week or so while we enjoy vacationing on an island paradise.

And when I return ... I will blog once more!

Andre Rieu = Mel Gibson with long hair and a violin?

Is it just me ... or does ....

Andre Rieu

... look like ...


... but with a violin?

Artic Blast!

Phantom Limbs

I just called my Dad to see what was going on with my grandfather's funeral in Pennsylvania next week. Daniel and I will be flying up Sunday morning. Dad did not answer. I called my youngest brother. He did not answer. I placed the phone back on my cubicle desk and thought, without so many words as just a vague impression, I should call Mom.

It took a second to register that was not an option.

In Progress

Creative Deadlines

For the first time ever, I'm setting forth to complete a crafty task, on time, for business, and for people who could potentially hate what I do. It is terrifying and completely exhilarating, all at once.

November 3, 2010 I will tote my crafty goodness over to work and set up a booth at a craft fair hosted by my company. I am taking my only vacation day to do it. I am hoping to sell enough to make it worth my while and help pay for my wedding reception decor! (Or Christmas gifts. Good grief, I need to think about Christmas gifts!)

In Praise of Bright Shiny Objects

I am content as I write this. Life is busy (hence the lag in blog time), but life is good. I'm learning more about growing as an individual, a crafter, a business owner, a Christian, and a future wife. Yes, I said future wife.

I once posted about having a life changing event on the horizon and joked with friends that no, it did not involve anything shiny. Well, now I do have something shiny, and life has gotten crazy busy as a result, but I am determined to get back into the blogosphere.

For those of you who have followed my progress through singleness, entrepreneurial pursuits, and following Christ ...

God is good. ALL the time.

Two Days and Counting

In two days, I start my new job. This is very exciting! I took the drug test, signed the acceptance letter, and today I tried out the bus route, which I discovered not only stops to pick up commuters at my local grocery store (5 minutes from my house ... within walking distance, if need be), but also goes right past my new place of employment, should I need to take the bus on any day. What a relief! I've also gotten a couple of leads on carpooling, which would be the ideal situation, saving me almost 75% of my commuting costs.

I thank God for providing, and look forward to seeing what the future holds. I just pray I am a diligent and effective worker. I hope that I will grow to truly enjoy my work, and to nurture friendships with my new coworkers.

Currently, I am waiting for 12:15 to roll around, so that I may take the bus home again. I'm sitting on the second floor of the downtown Nashville public library, in its beautiful courtyard outside. A fountain is splashing merrily. Children are playing. Quiet people, like me, are sitting at umbrella-covered metal tables and reading or working on laptops. We are surrounded by marble and green shrubbery and flowers and trees and sunshine and serenity. This is my favorite spot in Nashville. I hope I will be able to come here often, as it is an easy walk from my new building.

Etsy!

I am now officially open for business on Etsy.com.

What an exciting time! I have been working toward the goal of owning my own crafty business for years. At last, I have a business banking account and checks, I'm registered with all the proper officials, and I have a an operational storefront. I'm so happy!

Right now, I have listed "Unique" and some buttons. I will be posting even more over the coming days. Soon, I hope to have not just buttons and a few collage pieces I've done, but also kits for paper collage, vintage ephemera, trims, and vintage tools.

As always, my focus is on re-using and upcycling. I can't wait to flesh out my little shop and start marketing to get the word out.

Which reminds me ... spread the word!

Frock

Unique

He Thinks, He Ponders ... He is Caffeinated!

So, I'm working on perfecting my collage art, and I made this for Daniel. It all came together in a very exciting way, and when it was done (very quickly!) it just felt right. I framed it in black-painted wood once it was complete.

This is mixed media on canvas. The paper on the left is from a folder that held somebody's photographs after development in 1933. The night picture on the right is from 1929 sheet music "The Shooting Star." The collage overlay is a Charles Dana Gibson pen and ink drawing from the early 1900s. And the gold leaf pain on top of the shooting star image ...

I asked Daniel if he knew what it was, and of course he did. Without hesitation he said, "it's the chemical formula for caffeine!"

Sweet and Sour

Sweet
- Early rising
- Art, art, art
- Several paintings in progress
- Colored buttons sorted
- Lovely bike ride
- Seeing my roommates--both!--at the same time when none of us were going in or out

Sour
- Healthcare insurance rejection letter--DECLINED!
- Frustrations
- Money worries
- Being a grown-up and having to handle this junk on my own

Was I Too Late?

What happened to Nashville's craft scene? Three years ago, I went to the first (and, it appears ONLY) Nashville craft show The Revolution of Craft. I recently uncovered my lovely S.W.A.G. bag and re-discovered several crafters and their wee wares (miniature buttons, bits of soap, tiny art-covered army men) and remembered the event fondly. I went to go hunt down the Nashville Craft Mafia to see about joining ... they seem to be on hiatus. I then went to CRAFT: A Creative Community. Also on hiatus. I hunted down Myspace pages ... links were either dead or struggling for breath with just a few craft items for sale on their Etsy shop pages (The NashVegas Etsy Street Team's last log in was last year!). This is very discouraging. I had followed the indie craft movement from nearly its beginning, as an avid fan and wistful, some-day participant. Well, I'm now participating, but I came to the party and the mob, mafia, uprising, apocalypse, bazaar, whatever-you-want-to-call-them has gone. It looks like I am two years too late.

What gives?

Book Binding Bizarre

I've been intrigued by other small business art/craft/creative people with the guts to do things nobody else had thought of doing ... or, at the very least, who could put their own spin on the things that already had been thought of.

Take bookbinding, for instance. Pretty standard stuff, right?

Uhh. Wrong.

Fabric Musings

Fabric. I am knee-deep (it feels like) in fabric. I inherited my stash from a multitude of sources. Some scraps were in the family for years. Others were from the ad agency I used to work at, and came home with me after a deep-cleaning of the prop room during renovations. Still others I picked up on my own, during adventures at thrift stores, flea markets, or antique shops. Most of the fabric is probably vintage, although I cannot claim that for all pieces, since I have no real timestamp on any pieces.


This gem is a favorite. Bright, cheerful green with white floral pattern! It came to me as part of a shirt-to-be. It was still in pieces, cut into sleeves and a bodice, and is probably vintage. Gorgeous. I used it about a year ago in a collage project ... it was the leaves to my trees and bushes. I hate to part with the remainder, but it will be up for sale soon in my Etsy shop.

Buttons! Whee!

I've been fast at work prepping for the launch of my new venture: Creative Salvage.

A Whole New World (Or: Unemployment, Day 3)

I'm sitting here typing this in my pajamas at noon. My dog is sitting at my feet, blissfully content to be inside the house at this time of day. I am updating my LinkedIn account, searching for jobs, chatting with friends, and looking for people to follow on Twitter.

I'm working on a new business that I started a day before I was laid off. Suddenly, I have a lot of time to do so.

And I'm thinking surviving on beans and rice and leftovers will be good for my weight loss goals!

I Don't Even Know Where to Begin

When I started this journey five years ago, I was fresh-faced, young, inexperienced, incredibly frustrated by my position as a young adult trying to make it in the publishing and graphic design world, only to find that I was not prepared for the realities that would come crashing down on me and didn't know how to respond to differing personalities from my own in the world of business (read: my boss terrified me). I resolved to express my creativity and entrepreneurial wanderlust in a small stationery business. I joined a (now-defunct) forum of small stationery business owners. I started a blog to trace my steps. I quit my job of six months, moved back in with my parents, told people I was branching out on my own, and began racking up credit card debt to buy a job interview suit, pay bills, eat, and cover gas expenses.

I found a graphic arts job at an hourly rate barely above minimum wage (I had to pay the bills somehow, and that business had not taken off yet). I loved the job and the people, though finances were still a concern. Three months later, just when I was about to sign a lease for a small studio apartment in Knoxville, TN, I was laid off and was, for the second time in six months, unemployed.

This unemployment thing was becoming a trend.

I finally found a couple of part time jobs and things began looking up. But a year of working in retail and cooking in a kitchen only fueled my desire to get out on my own and realize my dreams. My parents bought half of a duplex in Murfreesboro, TN. I moved back to the town of my alma mater, shared the duplex with my younger brother until he moved to take a job in Connecticut and get married, and took an assistant job at a small Nashville advertising and marketing agency. Car issues plagued me. More debt. Medical bills when I broke my foot. More debt. Low income didn't cover my living expenses well. More debt. Depending on the season, I was either miserable and bored or stressed and energized by the fast-paced environment of the office. I had to learn to readjust my attitude. My car broke down one final time and I had to find one to replace it. You guessed it, more debt.

I tried selling vintage finds at an antique mall and actually started doing well at it, but had to drop my micro-mini business venture during busy seasons at work. My stationery dreams were labeled as "history" and shelved. It was just too impossible to start something in my financial state.

There were good things that happened, too. I made new friends, and strengthened old relationships. I found a family of peers that would later be used by God to support me and get me through the hardest months of my life. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

When I left my old job at the tea room behind in East Tennessee, I had already trained my replacement: my mother. After years and years of homeschooling her children and sacrificing her own dreams to do so, Mom was finally getting a job outside of the home as the assistant cook. But two months into my new job over four hours away, I got the phone call that changed my life. Mom was sobbing, breaking down from the stress of complications at the new job, and a mysterious pain in her side that would not go away. I rushed home immediately—didn't even pack a bag. And when I arrived, I could tell the two months had taken a toll on her. She had lost an alarming amount of weight. She looked weary. Less than an hour later, after the hugs were over and we were sitting in the living room together and I asked what was going on, my Dad looked over at me and said four terrifying words:

"Your mother has cancer."

If time can stand still, it did at that moment. All it took was one look at Mom, who confirmed his statement with a short nod, and I began to weep. I crossed the room to hold her in my arms and cry together. In that first weekend, I went through all the stages of grief and mourning in a mere two days.

For two years, she fought a battle against the disease that had begun in her colon and then invaded surrounding organs and tissue. Her lungs, liver, chest cavity—all had spots of cancer that could not be surgically removed, not even when the original tumor had been removed from her colon by emergency surgery.

My first real sense of what my loss would be like occurred in May of 2008, when I attended my grandfather's funeral. And then again June, when I attended my grandmother's. In two months, my mother had lost both of her parents. I know she must have been thinking ... this could be me some day. For me, I witnessed the events of my grandfather's funeral and wept for knowing this was what was ahead one day ... if the cancer could not be stopped.

Then, on September 22, 2008, my mother wrote her own last blog entry, detailing the news that she had gone into liver failure from the cancer. Less than a month later, she died at home. In that month, our family went through the hardest days and hours and minutes we could ever imagine as we watched her rapidly decline. Within two weeks of being told she had two months to live, she was no longer able to fully communicate with us. She slept constantly. She was jaundiced ... yellow all over, even in what should have been the whites of her eyes. She began to lose balance and require assistance to walk even a few feet. Motion and smells made her sick to her stomach. She threw up multiple times in an hour, eventually vomiting fecal matter that could not be processed by her liver. Three days before she died, she was confined to a wheelchair. The day before she died she was semi-comatose, in and out of consciousness (but not cognizant of much at all) in a rented hospital bed in our home.

I was in the busiest season of my work year. The stress level was unfathomable. I worked as much as I could, and drove home to be with Mom on the weekends. Each new trip out brought a wave of grief over me when I saw my mother's face again and realized just how much worse she was. The day she could not continue a conversation with me, I wept uncontrolably in my room. I knew then I had lost my mother, even if she was not yet deceased. During this time, the friends and family that God had given me over the years took care of myself and my father and brothers. I learned to accept help from people I knew I could not repay.

During the last six months of 2008, I was also going through my own trials. I was in an undefined long distance relationship of sorts for ten months that had me confused and feeling ridiculous for wanting to believe it could work out even though I knew, deep down, if I had to try to make it work, it wasn't happening. Two weeks before my Mom died, the guy I had dated and was talking to on a regular (if unpredictable) basis called and, for lack of a better word, "broke up" with me. Strangely, though dissapointed, I felt relieved. I finally had the answer to the pressing question that had hung over me for months: did he really want to be with me? He told me I needed to focus on my Mom and not worry about things with him, and he was right. I have the utmost respect for him for calling and initiating that final conversation. He knew, as well as I did, that we needed to move on. And I did. After a few days of mourning what could have been, I set those thoughts aside and focused on Mom.

But that was not the only pressing issue on my mind. I also had gone through some rough patches at work, and the stress was building up and threatening to overwhelm me, especially when combined with the anticipatory grief that I was experiencing during Mom's final days.

The day before she died, I drove home and spent hours watching her by the bedside, pressing a wet sponge to her lips for water (if she took a sip she would choke), wiping drool from her slumped head, and trying desperately to keep the oxygen tube in a comfortable position so she would not try to knock it off her face. A few times, her eyes opened and looked at me, and I think she saw me. But mostly, she was a vacant shell struggling to breath. My shift with her ended at 1am. Two hours later, my father knocked on my door, and my brother's, and my aunt's. He said, "She's gone," and we clung to each other and cried so hard and so long that we choked on our tears.

The days afterward blurred by. Funeral home. Travel to Pennsylvania for her bural and graveside service. A memorial service in Tennessee. More work for busy season. Before I knew it, it was Thanksgiving. I made it through two meals with other families, but the Monday after, I began to cry at work and had to go home to let the tears fall uninterrupted. I had pushed them aside to get through, but it was time for them to take over and work out the grief. Then it was Christmas. My niece was born. We all gathered in Connecticut to celebrate the life of this precious little girl and spend time together as a family in peace and quiet. We visited New York City just before New Year's Eve. I went home to Middle Tennessee, revivied, looking forward to a year without sorrow.

I have avoided blogging much until now. I wasn't ready. I couldn't express what I felt. I needed time to heal. I didn't have the strength, energy, or drive to move forward. But I know, with absolute certainty, that God has good planned for me and my family this year. Already, the joys have multiplied continually. It began when I unexpectedly met and began to date an amazing man who has since added to my happiness with each new day. It continued with the birth of my lovely niece in the beginning of December, just barely after my brother made it back from a lengthy business trip (he literally drove from the airport to the hospital to witness his daughter's birth). It was added to when I realized that my relationships with my brothers and my father had grown stronger and had patched up spots of contention that had haunted us for years. I finally humbled myself and asked for (and received) help from my Dad to eliminate my debt in a responsible way. And now, to see that he is also healing, bit by bit, as he mourns the loss of his best friend and soulmate. His eyes have a bit of a light again.

God is good. And I have grateful tears in my eyes as I type this. Never, in a hundred years, could I have imagined this would be possible, but I have joy and a hope for the future ahead of me. I truly do. And it is all because of Him.

I'm ready for the year ahead. And I am beginning to dream again. Despite the rumblings of a wounded economy, I believe it is possible for me to continue to press ahead. I feel like I am awakening from a deep slumber. A hibernation. Creativitity like electricity is bolting around inside, sparking, working to get out. I desire to seek God. To renew my interests. To use these gifts He gave me. To LIVE again.

Ruby Red ... is back.

Wait. It's 2009?

It's been awhile, huh?

This is just a post because I realized I needed to post and so that Blogger sets me up with a 2009 archive.

I'm happy. I'm good. I'm looking forward to new experiences in the coming year. Here's to 2009 being much, much better than 2008!

Getting back in the groove

There has been so much happening that I don't even know where to start, except to say: I'm exhausted. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

And I'm ready to move forward with my life. I think I need to sit down with a cozy blanket, some jazz, and a composition book and plot the next points in the map that is my future.

The First Day of Autumn is Bittersweet

Dear friends, perhaps you did not know … but my mother blogs, as well. To know what is going on in MY life right now, you need only read what is going on in HERS. She explains things so much better than I can.

http://edifications-cjf.blogspot.com/2008/09/liver-failure_22.html

I love you, Mom.

Numb

So, I went to the second of my dental sessions today. Yesterday I got three little cavities on my left filled. Today it was the three little cavities on my right. I found out yesterday that my upper jaw doesn't numb quickly when I felt the drill a little bit. A shock of sudden cold and sensation is scary! So today, when I had TWO fillings to go in up top as opposed to yesterday's one, I was nervous. Would it hurt again?

Sure enough, she had to add more numbing agent about 2-3 times to get me numb enough to continue drilling. Also, on the bottom, she hit a nerve or something, because it shot straight into my tongue.

My face is tight and numb from the middle of my neck up to my right eyeball, and even a little bit of my eyebrow. I can barely swallow. And I have a headache.

That's my whining quota for the day. I hope that I start feeling normal by tonight, because I need to clean the kitchen big time. And MJ is coming over to help me assemble my Target pre-fab bookcases.

It's Trip Time!

August 5th was my last post? AUGUST 5th??!! How could I be so verbally inadequate? I haven't blogged in 20 days? Goodness gracious.

Lots of excitement and intrigue has ensued. Busy season at work is busy again. I feel a little lazy because we're caught up and two other people are helping me do the work of what was formerly mainly the job of one person (me.) Granted, my old coworker did so much in the background that I think we will never quite know just how much he did. He was superman of the catalog season.

I had some scares. But God helped me bounce back. And I had the support of friends and family to get me through it.

And now, I look forward to the exciting times of the weekends over the next month. Oh really, you say? And why is that? Because I get to hang out with some people I really enjoy and don't see often.

Happy Weekends, you'll make busy season a little more bearable.

*contented sigh*

Gumby Breakdancing in my Cubicle

What I do for fun in this place ...

In Praise of Peter Rabbit

Google pointed out that today is Beatrix Potter's birthday.

I couldn't imagine my childhood without Peter, Benjamin, Mopsy, Flopsy, and Cottontail. Mrs. Tiggywinkle was my favorite laundress. Jemima Puddleduck taught me the perils of trusting strangers and not thinking for myself. Tom Kitten became part of our family (literally!). Anna Maria and Samuel Whiskers made for some great times of quotations and laughter. And Miss Potter's gorgeous, timeless watercolor illustrations are indelibly marked on my memories of childhood.

Thanks, Beatrix.

Why bother?

So, here it is, 9:58 a.m. on Friday morning, and I am hungry, and I'm about to eat another yummy Snyder's of Hanover hard pretzel ... the big, fat, crunchy, salty kind. And as I reach for the box in my desk drawer, I realize that my coffee mug is still 3/4 full. Almost two hours after I trudged to the kitchen to pour myself a cuppa joe blended with two packets of powdered creamer and a smidge of sugar.

I realized, at this point, that I hardly ever finish a cup of coffee, if it isn't from Starbucks and filled with lots of foamed milk and caramel syrup.

Honestly, why do I even bother?

Colons

Colons have been on my mind lately. Granted, there are two equally true meanings to this statement. One has to do with my mother's cancer. The other ... grammar.

My Eats, Shoots & Leaves daily grammar tidbit calendar had this lovely little quotation for yesterday. I thought I'd share:

"Like a well-trained magician's assistant, the colon pauses slightly to give you time to get a bit worried, and then efficiently whisks away the cloth and reveals the trick complete."

Come to think of it, my life has been a bit of a colon lately. A big, dramatic pause. I eagerly await the Reveal.

The I Haven't Blogged In A Long Time Blog

Nothing much to say. Figuring out life. Wish some things were less complicated.

Pray for me?

Now or Later

For my friends who hit up Go USA a few weeks ago ...

I just had to let you know that I just ate my last Now and Later. It is orange flavored, but tastes slightly like chemicals.

I found it in the bottom of my purse. And I thought of y'all. Especially the part where we played Ski-Ball to earn those tickets!

I Miss You

Yes, you. You, who used to write me regular emails, or at least responded to my tidbits quickly. You know who you are. You've been awfully quiet lately.

I miss you, too. The other you. The you that I used to write to more often. I should write to you again. I'm the one slacking, here.

Funny how the electronic age has made it so easy to contact each other, and yet we don't. But I wish we would, more.

Keep in touch!

Blogging Isn't Always the Best Idea

I just read a couple of articles that made me stop and think. I know that only a handful of people read this blog, and I'm so glad to keep up with friends and family this way, but how beneficial is it for me to be writing out my life online?

I have always tried to maintain a semblance of anonymity. Sometimes names slip out. For the shy, like myself, I try to go back and adjust as necessary. But the result has been a nearly four year documentation, not just of my life, my ideas, my dreams, but also of God's working and faithfulness. I can look back at posts from previous years and see how, even though I feel like I'm just treading water, God has moved me (sometimes literally) from point A to point B, and it has been for my ultimate good.

But is online taking over the real world? It's something to think about. I never, ever aspire to be "A Blogger" ... the ones who end up on CNN or Lifetime or, as in the case of one edgy social blogger, Emily Gould, on the virtual pages of The New York Times online magazine, spilling her emotional guts in black and white and 0's and 1's. Have I followed in the footsteps of the over-sharers of the online world? Have pixels become the new red carpet? Glamorous, dangerous, exposed?

Sketch Your Own Furniture From Your Imagination Into Reality!

A coworker sent me this link, and I had to share it. Crazy, a little clunky, not so beautiful, but completely amazing nonetheless. (And Aaron ... I'm waiting to see what you come up with, my furniture designing and oh-so-industrious friend!)

Random Things I'd Like to Do One Day

- Own and drive a completely refurbished old convertible. You know, the kind that they drove in the 1930s or something.
- Take my picture standing just inside a bright red covered bridge somewhere in New England.
- See New York City with somebody who knows his/her way around.
- Make art in Portland, Oregon.
- Go shopping in Savannah, Georgia.
- Pet a monkey ... you know, one of those professional dancing monkeys, with the cute little hats and jackets.
- Watch a monarch migration in progress.
- Dress up like a pirate. And go somewhere totally non-piratey. Like, I dunno, Cracker Barrel. Or the Washington Monument.
- Win at dominoes.
- Invent a board game that becomes a national phenomenon. Retire rich.
- Speaking of games, I'd like to buy a high-quality croquet set and actually use it. On a manicured lawn. While the hedgehogs watch.
- Read Les Miserables. And like it.
- Drive across the country.
- Walk into an airport, randomly buy a ticket, and go. No luggage.
- Have a perfume named after me.
- Count how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Pop vs. Soda

Forget whether or not to vote Republican or Democrat this year. The real burning question is whether that carbonated beverage you are drinking is a Pop or a Soda?

Vote today.

Laugh, Don't Cry

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
- Kurt Vonnegut

Let the Networking Begin

I am going crazy in a dead-end job that a high schooler could do with little difficulty. The busy season hits in two months. Do I still want to be there when it happens?

No.

Crystal and I were talking, and I'm wondering if taking a couple (a few?) part-time jobs here in the 'Boro might be the best way to go while I figure things out. I hate the idea of leaving a professional job yet again for the unknown of part-time, but it seems the only way to economize on gas while at the same time allowing for flexibility in case I get an interview.

Then the question becomes: where and when do I begin interviewing? How soon should I start sending resumes out? And to where? Should I answer newspaper ads? Online ads? Craigslist ads?

Probably.

But there is also the factor that I won't truly be happy until I at least have gone all out and tried to start my business at last. I don't want to regret never starting it, that's for sure. Will it be risky?

Yes.

So I'm torn which direction to turn. I do know that I thought starting a business was the way to go three and a half years ago, but that did not turn out as expected for me, obviously. Plus, there is the little problem of my consumer debt (ok, a big problem) and bills and expenses, such as the car problems I need to have investigated. Having a well-paying job in an affluent area for a few years might be the best thing to do, just to pay off all my debt, get a car that is decent and will last, and have some spare money set aside to live off of for the first few months.

But then again, if I always wait, I will never do. There is never an ideal time for starting a business. And, as Crystal pointed out, It's not exactly like I'm being impulsive about this. I've only wanted to own and run my own business since I was about 4. That's only 24 years in the making!

In the meantime, I wanted to send a shout-out to all of my friends, family, and random readers, I am looking for a job in one of these areas:

- copywriting
- marketing
- advertising
- account/brand management (least favorite option, but I can't argue that I don't have experience. This is what I've been doing the past two years).
- creative directing
- online marketing
- freelance writing
- desktop publishing/publication design
- library work. Hey--why not? I liked it when I was a clerk years ago. I could do it again.

If you hear of anything, let me know. I'm looking nationwide, with a preference for big cities in a good cost-of-living area that is entrepreneur/boutique store friendly and warmish climate. I've heard good things about Charlotte, NC; Atlanta, GA; Houston, TX; and Dallas-Fort Worth, TX. And I'm still open to the Nashville, TN area, as well. However, it has become increasingly obvious to me that the kind of store I want to start is not one that will go over very well in Nashville. I need a more metropolitan, artsy-fartsy vibe area, with lots of money to spare for home furnishings, art, handmade items, vintage and antique items, indie designer clothing lines, and excellent books and journals. Either that, or lots of mid-sized businesses that might need freelance copywriting/publication design help.

Please pray for me. This is a huge decision for me. And I'm scared I'll make the wrong choice. Or even that I'll make the right choice for the wrong reason. But if you know anybody who knows someone who knows someone who needs a creative, hard-working, honest, enthusiastic worker ... let me (and them) know!

Agree With Obama? Shocking!

An interesting thing to come out of this insane presidential race: I agree with a staunch Democrat about at least one thing about this country's foundational makeup.

Kids need Dads, regardless or race, religion, creed, or political bent.

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

(p.s. Just read "wo"man in the appropriate place during this little clip ...)

Well. Here We Are. I'm 28.

And another year comes around. Whoop-dee-do.

Actually, this has been a pretty fabulous birthday. I've gotten fun and heartwarming e-cards, emails, texts, and phone calls. A few people at work who are in the know have wished me well.

When the work day is over, I'll meet up with friends for dinner and a movie.

I feel loved.

Thanks, y'all.

Tic Tac Commercial

So a coworker told me he had seen the new Tic Tac commercial and thought the girl in it reminded him of me. I have to admit ... she's quirky, and impish. Like I am, on a good day.

What do you think? Any resemblances of look, expression, or attitude?

(Watch the "Bounce" spot for Tic Tac on TV.)

Gas Prices Hit All-Time High; My Wallet Hits All-Time Low

Just a shot from yesterday's USA Today front page. In case you hadn't already heard, we've set a new record—the average price for regular unleaded is now $4.02 nationwide. Here in the Nashville area, it is hovering around $3.94-$3.99.

The other day I was reading about the highest commuter gas costs per day by city. I think the average high was $6.50 a day per commuter. I spend $10. That beats out L.A., Houston, and Chicago!

I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to afford coming to work. I've already cut out the majority of entertainment expenses. Next up will be to cut out all eating out, despite the fact that I tend to spend less on food when I do (since I generally split all meals into at least two portions, and don't waste anything).

At Rest

It's been a long, long weekend. Make that a long month or so.

I figured it out: in the last 40 days, I have been in Tennessee, Washington D.C., Connecticut, North Carolina, Louisiana, Arkansas, Maryland, New York, and Massachusetts.

Yesterday was grandma's graveside memorial service. It was so strange to see the dirt for the two graves still fresh, side by side. Perhaps because I had already cried so much the week before, or perhaps because it was harder to see the casket at grandpa's service, I did not cry much this time around. Yet silent tears began to trickle down my cheeks when my aunt and uncle and mother choked up and cried during their eulogies. The prayers, poetry, scripture reading, remembrances, and Mom's singing of "Be Thou My Vision" in honor of her mother's Irish heritage (and fledgling faith) were heartfelt and beautiful. I'm glad we didn't have a traditional service for her. It seemed so much more personal and loving this way.

At last my mom and dad can go home and recuperate. At last we can all return to "normal." This also applies for my aunt and uncle who have spent the past 2-3 months alternating weeks to care for my grandparents as their health deteriorated and they finally passed away.

Now ... life goes on.

Up next for me: pray, pray, pray for guidance. Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. Seek advice, but ultimately follow my conscience as led by God. And put out lots of feelers for job opportunities.

And ... I'm thinking about business stuff again. Thanks to the prompting of brooklyncs and my mother. Maybe ... just maybe ...

Note to Self: The Grass Isn't Always Greener

Today's featured article at Boundless.org hit home. When I'm restless, I seek change. But am I seeking Christ? And am I giving Him my all in whatever current situation He has placed me in?

While I still believe some exciting changes are in my near future, I am equally convinced that I need to be content while still chewing on the grass in my own backyard. That's the green pasture the Shepherd has placed me in for the time being.

Excuse me, I have some Middle Tennessee grass to go eat.

Bouncy Balls in San Francisco - Sony Bravia

A little blurry, but stunning. An advertisement worth watching.

Luddites Unite!

(Image of print from Hatch Show Print in Nashville, Tennessee)

I think I am becoming something of a Luddite.

It started with my fascination with letterpress printing. It popped up in my realization that I dislike the scrapbooking industry because it feels too commercialized and fake compared to spur-of-the-moment collages and old fashioned journaling. Then it became clearer as I avoided fancy cell phones that did everything except make the perfect cappuccino in favor of plain jane flip phones that acted and felt like real phones.

Give me an apple over apple-flavored juice any day. Let me write on paper so I can avoid staring at a screen. Share a laugh with me in the open air. Go to the symphony before you buy the CD.

Be real. Be free. Be Luddite.

A New Frontier

I know that one of my chief flaws is indecision, and it is something I've been working on improving. However, as brooklyncs pointed out to me recently, while I am the worst for wavering back and forth when I'm trying to make up my mind (a decision can take a day, a week, a month, a year ... or longer), once I have made that decision, I spring into action. Perhaps this is for fear of changing my mind again, but I generally feel an overwhelming sense of relief and purpose immediately after a decision. It's like pulling a Band-aid off as quickly as possible. Just get it over with, already! Change invigorates me. It keeps me on my toes.

Two years ago, I was chomping at the bit to move to the Nashville area and get back into my church and find a job. I did all those things. I guess I thought it was a choice for the rest of my life. Now I'm not so sure. In fact, I think I've made up my mind about a new direction to take.

I have decided to look nationwide for my next "career move", with an emphasis on still trying to stay in a warmer climate. The reason is simple: Nashville cannot meet my financial needs at this time. While there are a few jobs I could apply for in my field in this area, they are either upper-level management positions or entry-level grunt jobs. I've put in my share of grunt time. Now I need to develop the skills I've accumulated and use them in a position where I am hired for my capabilities and not just my eagerness to enter the field. This, combined with the fact that I would either have to move to the Metro area or Brentwood /Franklin in order to economize on gas, has made me realize that it does not matter where I look—I will still end up separated from my current church family by distance. It is too hard to faithfully serve and attend when you have to drive over 30 minutes in order to get to church on time. I know. I've tried.

What I am evaluating:

- Opportunities for growth in my field. If I am not able to start my business right away, I need to find a city where I don't have to move yet again in order to better my salary and position.
- Entrepreneur friendliness. I need to find a city or region in which a new business would thrive, whether a retail boutique or a freelance copywriting/publication design service.
- Availability of solid, Bible-believing, vibrant churches. I need to be able to plug into a local church quickly so I can grow and serve under sound spiritual guidance.
- Likelihood to meet like-minded Christians my age for much-needed friendships. Iron sharpens iron.
- Cost of living. If the city has many opportunities, but it costs too much to live there, that's a big no-no. (Read: unless God writes it in neon letters in the sky, I am not moving to NYC or L.A.)
- Commute. I never want to have to drive an hour to get to work again, if at all possible. I would need to know that there is adequate housing not too far from my place of work.
- Salary opportunities. In order to warrant moving out of state, I would need to have a certain salary. This is to cover the cost of flying back to see my parents on occasion, as well as to help with my primary objective: get out of debt. I hate the bondage of debt, and never wish to be enslaved again. My current job only helps me tread water with my payments. I want to drain the lake.
- Enjoyment of job. I have a job I can "tolerate", and I've been in bad jobs that I "couldn't stand," I think now, that I still have a job, is the time to try to find that elusive thing ... the job you like. It needs to be for a company or non-profit I can wholeheartedly support, or at least stomach. It should be a new, challenging position that enables me to use my talents and requires that I am fully engaged with the process.
- Extracurricular activities. Though hardly the most important part of a city search, I think this is important, as well. It can be lonely and frustrating to have nothing to do on the weekends other than browse Barnes & Nobles (as wonderful as that is, it only is wonderful for so long). Ideally, there would be musical venues, a symphony, pro sports, a theater, well-kept parks and historical locations, and great shopping (i.e. not just the chain stores, but also fun boutiques).
- Length of time it would take to visit family and friends. I'd prefer to keep travel time to 4-6 hours max. That's what it currently takes to go see Mom and Dad (and Kevin), Elliott and Morgen, and even extended family in Pennsylvania or Rhode Island. I'd like to keep it that way. Anything more is too exhausting, and would drain all the enjoyment out of a weekend visit.
- Educational opportunities. It would be ideal to live in an area with a university that has a solid M.B.A. or M.A. in Mass/Corporate Communications program or even an M.F.A. in Creative Writing. I still fully intend to complete a master's degree at some point in the next few years, although I doubt I will ever again attempt full-time classes while at a full-time job.
- Good Community. As a single woman, safety is always of great importance to me. The cleanliness of the city, as well as the pride and care in its upkeep by residents is also important to me. And eventually, if I am still in the same area and God sees fit to allow me to be married and raise a family of my own, I will want to know it is a place that is safe for children.

My main concern is how this will affect my family. Especially after the death of my maternal grandparents, I've found that I value the closeness and camaraderie that only family can provide. We need each other to get through life, that much is certain. However, after initially discussing this with my Mom, she has been incredibly supportive of my plans. She affirmed my decision to move on from my current position. The wonderful part about growing up and becoming true friends with your parents is that you value their wisdom and advice so much more, and are pleasantly surprised when you discover you can have in-depth discussions about life and come away feeling energized from sharing a dream, not drained from defending your point of view.

My next post will be about the reason I have finally decided "Enough is ENOUGH."

Swimmy: A Correction of Fact

I told the gang at Aaron's over Memorial Day weekend that Swimmy had been my favorite children's book when I was growing up. I attributed this work of genius to Eric Carle. I was mistaken. It was the artistic triumph of Leo Lionni. And the world is a better place for it.

Thanks, Leo!

(and thanks to Random House for the borrowed image.)

The Bubble Tea Adventure

MJ and I needed some time off from life, and thought Nashville's Centennial Park would be the ideal place to throw out a blanket, sit quietly, and read or journal in the sunshine.

The first thing we had to do was find some Bubble Tea. MJ hadn't had any since she lived in Chicago, and was craving some. I just happened to remember Fat Straw in West End at the new Edgehill Village. We got some, she loved it; I didn't. But perhaps Passionfruit smoothies are not my style.

So then, off to Centennial Park ... except when we arrived, there was some sort of event with tents and lots of people and news crews. Tents with rainbows of balloons.

I looked at MJ and said, "I hope you don't mind if we don't stop in and set up the blanket today."

We went to Long Hunter State Park, instead, and sat out by the lake.