tired sleepy and tired achey

The first of many long weeks to come has hit me pretty hard. My two part-time jobs are getting ever-so-slightly easier, but, then again, practice makes perfect.

I'm barely on the Internet at all anymore, which is unusual for me. My blogging has slowed down to a crawl, and my fiction writing has all but stopped, with only the occasional thought towards my current protagonists and what they might be up to. Activity on forums has petered out as well. With my dear Paperpreneurs down, I've been reduced to only Verla Kay's children's writers forum, and my participation there has been sadly lacking lately.

I've read of internet paper friends who are in the midst of paper-biz-identity ponderings, and I myself am in one as I write this. As Shakespeare wrote, "to be, or not to be? That is the question." Ruby Red, at the pace I am going, is a long time coming. And, already, only a year from when the idea first began germinating, I am doubting the veracity of my desire to run a wholesale manufacturing business to the extent that I would need to in order to truly provide a salary.

Meanwhile, I'm forging ahead in my part-time jobs. Serving at the tea room is going well, although the days I work in the kitchen wear me out more, since I don't get to move around as much and I am still learning how to prepare the dishes. All in all, though, I love the tea room and everyone who works there. My boss is amazing, and the other staff are wonderful to work with--a true dream team, where everyone automatically helps the others out. The only downsides to the job are that I am so tired on kitchen days when I head over to my second job, and it is usually slow-ish several days per week, which makes the tip $$ less.

As for the great big retail store, it is set up and in the process of "soft opening," which means no advertisements or radio spots yet. October 1st is our Grand Opening, and I am scheduled to work cashier in the evening. I'm scared! Of my two jobs, this is the one I wish I didn't need to have. While I actually really enjoy cashiering and interacting with the customers, the bureacracy and rules are driving me crazy!!! I am by nature a conscientious, hard worker, but everything I have to remember, and all the procedures I have to follow are making me weary. I've already earned a spot in the "BOOK OF SHAME" for not writing the expiration dates for driver's licenses on checks the first day I worked. At least, that's what my trainer told me, as she smiled and said it was "good for you. You won't make the same mistake again." GrrrrRRRRrrrr! Let me just say, humilating me over something like that is not the way to make me a happy, loyal employee. The learning curve at this job is expected to be about zero. Either you "got it," or you didn't when you went through your two hours of training, listening to a fast-talking trainer who only went over things once and was frequently interrupted by calls to help elsewhere. I still do not understand the logic behind refusing to leave the training book next to the registers so that we cashiers can reference it and find the simple answers to our questions without paging a manager every ten minutes or so.

Meanwhile, this conscientious, hard worker has already missed a day she was scheduled . . . on accident. The schedule changed during our first set-up days, and I swear I double-checked my schedule at least two or three times, but I still ended up coming in to work last night and being told I wasn't on the schedule . . . but I had been the night before. I hope I don't get fired.

I just hope it all gets better, because the 10-15 hour days are soon going to wear me out for good. The bright spot in this cloud is that my store manager is very easy to get along with and seems to understand that we're still learning. Also, I have already told myself that I'm free to leave the retail job at any time, if need be. I'm treating it as a way to save up some emergency funds, pay off as much of my credit card debt as possible, and perhaps set aside a little for starting my business.

All this to say: I'm busy, and I'm tired, and I'm brain-dead. My creativiy is being sapped from my body by mind-numbing fatigue. But I'm getting stronger, and more determined than ever to make it on my own sooner than later. I don't think I want to do this for more than 6 months. I'll go crazy.