getting past myself

As always, I'm great on dreaming, pretty good on planning, and horrible on actually doing. Not because I don't care (quite the opposite!), but possibly because I care so much that I become scared of the enormity of whatever I'm seeting out to do and ... well ... I never get passed that.

You know? Fight or flight? What they don't tell you about is the third survival instinct: freeze. That's what I do best. Like a deer caught in the headlights, I stare in shock at the big event, dillema, or opportunity bearing down on me, and it becomes my downfall.

I am fighting my inner freeze with everything I've got right now. It's like having daily--even hourly--pep talks with myself. I can do it. I can do it. I will do it.

• I will find a job in the next 4 weeks
• I will choose a paint color for my new bedroom (and the rest of the house)
• I will call friends and let them know what's going on
• I will take the time to sit down and talk with my mom about our business ideas
• I will then do the business ideas, even in the midst of the move
• I will keep promises to friends and family
• I will pack only what is necessary for the move
• I will coordinate setting up utilities, forwarding mail, deep-cleaning the house, and finding a good doctor/vet/beautician
• I will have fun planning a house-warming party
• I will not panic!

sleepless

So, here I am, at 3:47 am, typing away on the keyboard and wondering why in the world I can't go to sleep. I am supposed to "wake up" in less than four hours to go to work. This isn't going to be pretty.

By 11:00 am today, I will be undergoing what I hope will not, but fear will be, a trial under fire of sorts at the tea room. Because of circumstances beyond the owner's control, only she and I will be working today. Two people doing what 4-5 normally do. If people heed the mental signals of distress I am sending out right now, they will avoid the tea room at all costs and give us a nice, boring day with only one bridal shower and a handful of walk-ins so that I can cook and she can serve and we can both leave at a decent hour before I have to go to my next job. If my fears come true, however, we are going to be slammed and have more than a few annoyed patrons on our hands when we can't seat them right away, take their orders right away, and make their food right away. Please, oh please, oh please don't be like that!

On the other hand, I have only ever called in once at the Big Retail Store, and that was due to a sudden illness back in October or November, I think. If this sleeplessness continues, and I am completely worn out from the tea room, I may have to beg out of working in the evening due to incoherence and exaustion.

After having written all this, I think I know what is wrong with me: I had a skull-throbbing headache all day that increased in intensity until I finally couldn't stand it around dinner time and took a couple of ibuprofin. By midnight, when the pain still hadn't reliquished, I took Excedrin Migraine with some Diet Pepsi--my sure-fire headache extinguishing combo. Of course, I had hoped to fall asleep before the caffeine kicked in, but I guess I missed out on that. However, the good news is that my headache is finally gone.

The bad news is that I still have to use knives in the morning. This could get messy.

all coming together ...

The checklist is almost all checked off now for buying the house. I think they're only waiting on the appraisal to come through in order to finish the loan process, and then we (OK, my parents) close on the new house sometime in the next two weeks.

Somebody pinch me. Is this real? I still can't believe that I'm beginning yet another new phase in my life. This time around, I'm going to start packing earlier, label boxes more accurately, and hold a great big yard sale to get rid of all the clothing that doesn't fit, items I don't use, and other "one man's junk is another man's treasure" type stuff.

Oh, and get a job. Or two. Or three. Whatever it takes to support myself.

So ... when is somebody going to invent money that actually DOES grow on tree?

*Gulp*

Told one of my bosses today about my intent to move in July. She took it surprisingly well, considering the kind of week she's had. I was scared to tell her--not because of her (she's wonderful!)--but because I know how rough it's been lately at the tea room due to scheduling conflicts, and she depends on me to be there to keep things running on the weekends.

I'm relieved to have it all out in the open at last, although it still feels surreal.

No news yet on the job I interviewed for ...

LCE ... Phase One

It happened.

The Life Change Event has really happened.

My family is investing in a house. And my brother and I are going to "rent" it.

In about 3 weeks my parents expect to sign the paperwork and close on the property. My brother will move in right away, since his current lease expires next month, and I will be moving out of my parents' basement and into the upstairs of the new house as soon as I get a job out in the Nashville area. My share of the investment will be interior decorating and "housekeeping" while I live there over the next couple of years until we sell it (hopefully at a nice profit!).

I'm actually moving back to Middle Tennessee!

I am too excited for words at the moment. But even more exciting ... and much more frightening ... I have a job interview tomorrow at 11:00 am. I'm driving out tonight after work in order to be at the interview on time and I'm nervous as can be. It seems too good to be true that I would find out about the offer on the house AND a call for an interview on the same day.

I'm on pins and needles right now, folks. Pins and needles.

Possibilities

As my life has drifted away from the e-life and back into "life" life, I've found myself going into survival mode. I've taken a sabbatical, so to speak, from the computer and have unconsciously avoided writing, designing, business planning, and any other form of creative outlet. I don't know if it is a kind of mental fast or if it is just my realizing that I simply do not have the energy to create new things.

Ruby Red? It might be a long way off. I may never become a booming enterprise, but I do not regret of minute of planning or dreaming.

My two jobs? Still keeping me busy. Exaustedly.

And the life changing event ... one that I hadn't anticipated, but have dreamed about for quite some time ... is still in the works. I'll know in the next two weeks if it will happen or not. If it does, I'll call all my friends and share the good news, choose colors and styles, and then throw myself into a whirlwind of planning and preparation.

(No, no! I can tell what you're thinking! The life change event has nothing to do with the diamond rings, the color white, or invitations).

PMLCEPWKYU

Possible Major Life Change Event in Progress Will Keep You Updated

have you ever

felt small and tired? Like the world has grown and you have shrunk and all you can do is shiver in the crack in the sidewalk like a lost little ant?

Maybe it's the rain. But that's how I feel today.

so, i just did my taxes

Yep. I'm a little slow this year. I've been dragging my feet ever since they eradicated the TeleFile last year. I like the 1040EZ, but the TeleFile was QUICK and EASY. So, last year, because I was in a serious money-crunch, I needed that return ASAP. And I got it, too, after e-filing through H&R Block for free.

But I forgot my user name and password since then (I am not exactly Ms. Organized in my home office. Stuff from the move is still packed awkwardly in a mish-mash of Rubbermaid containers and ripped old moving cartons), so I was reluctant to do it online again, and I kept forgetting to fill out the paperwork.

Which is why I was a little nervous about doing things so late in the game this year. Before, because of the ease of the TeleFile, filing was the first thing I did as soon as all my W-2s came in (all those part-time jobs ... ) But this year was different FOUR W-2s and one unemployment compensation statement later, I had quite a bit of work to do.

But, I finally did it, after creating yet another H & R Block account. Their easy system walked me through it all, and I ended up filing the 1040 and getting back a whoppin' $40 more than the EZ would have gotten me, thanks to a convenient reminder that my student loan interest paid was deductible. Yippee!

2 days and counting ...

I saw from my StatCounter.com account (love it! highly recommend it!) that, amazingly enough, y'all are still visiting this humble blog, despite the fact that I, myself, haven't. In honor of this strange, yet fabulous, phenonmenon, I am blogging at 3:04 a.m., Tuesday morning. I should be asleep by now, but I got all caught up in a wedding favor design project for a good friend, and, well, the Starbuck's DoubleShot I drank around 10:00 p.m. is still going strong ... why didn't I discover those things when I was in college?

But, as for the title of this post, I AM GOING ON VACATION! Words cannot describe my excitement. Easter Sunday is my friend's wedding (if you're reading this, girl, I still can't believe you're getting married. I'm bursting with happiness for you!), but I am off work Thursday until Monday. This is super duper. You have no idea ... I go an average of 7 days in a row working at one job or the other. Sometimes, as much as two weeks goes by without a day off from both places at the same time. This past weekend alone, due to making the food for a wedding reception we catered at the tea room, I have worked a grand total of 30 hours in 3 days. Saturday was the worst, at 14.5 hours straight of working. Let me tell you, my bed never looked so good ...

So, yes, my friend is getting married, and I'm making a road-trip/weekend retreat out of it. I'm going to hit up my favorite Nashville haunts (Hillsboro Village, Fido's, antique malls, the downtown branch of the Nashville Public Library, the Frist Center for the Arts), as well as trying to make it to a Nashville Predator's game Saturday night with my brother, and maybe even stroll through the shops of 12 South, attend a theatrical performance at TPAC, or find a free concert at MTSU's School of Music. (Good ol' alma mater).

And I'm going to get a hotel room for at least two nights. I know, I know--I'm splurging--but it is going to be worth every penny.

And I'm super-duper excited! The countdown to rest and relaxation has BEGUN!

hello! hello?

While it is probably an excellent thing that I have been focusing my energies towards the daily grind versus digital dreaming, I'm afraid I've neglected updating my few remaining readers as to my whereabouts and whatabouts. Sorry!

Status Report:

- Allergy season is among us. My nose could use some relief right about now, and I keep losing my Claritin tablet packaging ...

- Nothing new on the Ruby Red front, except more of the same see-sawing about "is this really what I want to do?"

- Found the cutest '04 VW New Bug (cream, leather seats, CD player, black-top convertible, only 17k on the odometer ...) that I'd love to drive around in this summer. No price tag. Probably one of those if you have to ask you can't afford it deals. Besides, I know of at least three people who've had those Bugs and they poured money into them just to keep them running. And Consumer Reports says that there hasn't been a single model that has passed their stringent reliabilty and "good buy" tests. Not that they know anything. They're only the experts.

Of course, I've yet to convince my inner self of these things. It still wants to go on a road trip to Florida or California or some other sunny, beachy spot in that adorable Bug--top down, wind in hair, big black sunglasses covering my face and Audrey-Hepburnesque scarf fluttering in the wind.

(I should remind that self that my boring green '96 Toyota Camry has 230k on the odometer, hasn't been to get a tune-up in over a year--poor thing; how I neglect it!--and is still running just fine ... minus the odd couple of quarts of oil I have to feed it every month).

- Think I've decided to not go back to grad school--at least not yet. I might just do some non-traditional educational experiences instead. Would love to learn to blow glass or re-upholster furniture.

- Rearranged my bedroom. After one year of living here with my parents, I think I'm finally (almost!) unpacked and moved in. After moving around the furniture, I switched chests of drawers with my Mom's spare bedroom, bought a cheap-o tall bookcase, and moved my boxy stuffed chair, formally of the family room, in with me. All in all, I added two pieces of furniture--but have more space! I am very excited.

Okay, that's about the gist of things at the moment. Must. Blog. More. Later.

LOL.

i'm full

I just did something I hardly ever do--eat a full breakfast. An actual, factual, sit-down, eat-til-you're-full breakfast. Well, all it took to make me full is a bowl of Cheerios cereal and a banana cut into it (yum!). It's all in an effort to eat 3 meals, 2 snacks, and 1 treat per day, at the rate of one meal/snack every 3 hours.

Why? Well, I've mysteriously, magically lost some weight recently. Other than my active on-my-feet lifestyle at my jobs, I don't know what I've done differently to achieve this, but it certainly makes me happy. I stepped on the scale one day and realized I had somehow lost nearly 15 pounds! My so-called "skinny" jeans fit just fine. Trying on some other clothing I had put in storage for "when I lose weight", I found I could wear it too.

So, in a moment of inspiration, I decided right then and there to lose another 20 pounds--on purpose. I've chosen to just do it the simplest way possible and avoid gimmicks and fad diets in favor of eating pretty much whatever I want in moderation, keeping my body fueled so I don't feel hungry, adding extra nutrients in the form of making a conscious effort to eat more fiber, lean protein, complex carbs, vegetables, fruit, and water. Pretty much doing what my mother has told me all along. It's the Mom Told Me So diet. Or, if you want to attach any "name" to it, I would say it most closely resembles the 3-Hour Diet by Jorge Cruise. His 8-Minutes in the Morning exercise program is also useful to a point, but I haven't found it to work that well for lazy ol' me.

Eventually, once I get the eating thing down, I'm going to add more walking the dog (Zoe will love me for it!), other free/cheap aerobic activities, some free-weight training (to build fat-burning muscle), and, hopefully, if finances allow, join a gym. I've always wanted to join a gym, but I'm not going to do it until I know I'll make it worth the $$$.

Last night I planned out what to eat today while at the tea room in the midst of the craziness, so I don't have to think (and I can prepare it in advance for my "lunch break" of, like, three minutes).

And I can't believe that I'm actually awake and typing at 7:15 in the morning. That was a fluke; I accidentally changed the time an hour ahead on my alarm clock last night! But I'm up and at 'em early today, which makes me happy. I have time to relax before heading into my busy day.

how to throw a bridal shower

So, there is a drop-in bridal shower for 31 people tomorrow at the tea room, and I'm in charge. After last Saturday's five parties and 80 people served (in 3 hours, mind you!), this day should be a breeze. Or at least I hope so.

Anyways, today we had a busy day during lunch hour, so we weren't able to get everything prepped in time, so I went in this evening for an hour and a half to bake desserts and cut veggies and fruits. Tomorrow at 9:00 I'll tray sandwhiches, vegetables, fruits, and mini tea desserts on silver platters and have one of the girls set it out on the buffet line for the shower. Of course, before the servers come, I and the other girl in the kitchen will be making the scones and a quiche, along with three kinds of chicken salad, two soups, and all the other normal every day prep work.

By 10:30, the first server will come in and start preparing for the day, and I'll make sure the buffet line and tables for the party are decorated.

Then, 11:00 comes around, the servers will have set up the walk-in tables and the reserved room for the bridal shower.

And then, our first customers will arrive, and BAM! the day begins ...

My adrenaline rush will last until 1:30, when things begin to slow down, and then I force myself to get a second wind just in time to start washing the dishes, cleaning up the kitchen, and mopping the floor after the rest of the girls leave. And then I go home to crash--until 5:30, when I leave for my next job and work the customer service desk at The Big Retail Store until 10:00. THEN I get to drive home and collapse in my bed.

Just another day in the life of me.

bouncing back (again)

Oh. My. Word.

Check this amazing site out. I just stumbled upon it while in the middle of some research for an idea that (inconveniently) popped into my brain at 1:30 a.m. EST. This always seems to happen to me. I nearly give up on the whole concept of designing for profit, and then WHAM! it hits me after midnight, while I'm trying to sleep, and I can't do anything (including that much-coveted sleep) until I have ridden the wave of inspiration wherever it leads me.

Haven't yet gone over all of the site, but it looks yummy for designer types like me to drool over. Hee hee!

pleased to announce ... failure

Oh, I've been a terrible entrepreneur and blogger lately. Everything I said I would do--well, I didn't. To make matters worse, I've been doubting again. Is this the right thing? Why haven't I gotten started, already? Why do I even think that I should join the esteemed ranks of stationers of America? They've been doing it better and longer than I ever have or will.

*sigh*

I joined Paperpreneurs over a year ago, full of faith in my new venture that had yet to take off. Months and months later, I am better equipped to enter the field, but less inclined. I don't know if I really want to do marketing and accounting and sales. I don't know if I really want to sell paper, or just to buy it. I've run dry, and I am embarrassed to know that I am one of the only members who hasn't actually started her business yet.

It's not even a sorrowful feeling I have as I write this public confession. It is a weariness ... a reluctant, yet honest, look at what I truly find important in my life.

I don't mean to publish a rollercoaster diary of fast-paced ups and downs. It must be exhausting to read. Goodness knows it is exhausting to write and live. One day I am the very picture of a budding entrepreneur and the next I am a consummate homebody, reluctant to do anything beyond the daily grind. I talk to my friends and they are confused: is she, or isn't she, gonna do this thing?

I could whine and say I don't have enough money--but that's the easy way out. I know of others who have started with less than what I have. I could say I've decided to do other things--but I haven't, not really. I could laugh and write it all off as hormones--but it isn't.

Fact of the matter is, I'm just plumb tired (read: "plum tarrrred"), as they would say here in East Tennessee.

The good news is this: I have started to live each day of my life as it comes. I've slowed down my blogging and e-mailing and participating in forums in favor of doing things offline, in the real world. I've started trying to eat healthier (that Hardee's Thickburger tonight doesn't count--I was hungry). I've lost weight (yippee!). I've made new friends. I've found a church that is challenging me spiritually and helping me grow as a person. I've re-discovered the beauty of the Bible. Life is good again, even if it is more confusing than it was last year, and even though I am worn out from planning and dreaming.

Next stop? Who knows.

day off

Ohhhhhh ... the blessing of a full day off! Yet it stinks that today feels like Friday, and tomorrow feels like it should be Saturday ...

But I enjoyed it, anyway. Mom and I went for a "girl's day out" to the nearby resort/shopping district of Sevierville, TN and soaked in the glorious 70 degree weather, brilliant blue sky, and spirit-lifting sunshine. The trees are budding, the crocuses and daffodils are out in full bloom (literally!), and I have succommed to a serious case of spring fever.

Once we made it all the way out there, and were pulling into the parking lot of our first destination and I exclaimed, "oh no! I forgot my camera!" I was so disappointed--I had wanted to capture the mini-vacation for this blog. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to go back again. What a shame. LOL.

We ate at Cracker Barrel (finishing off with the yummy Coca-Cola cake!), browsed the Tanger outlet mall (scored some amazing t-shirts that fit, well, to a "T"), and wandered to our hearts delight through a simply delightful antique shop. Let me tell you, this shop was incredible! It had everything from vintage jewelry to an operational gold-plated cash register to a wicker basket for a hot air balloon! I walked out of the store with a wooden shoe-form (something I've had on my wish list for months) and an early 1900s era photograph of a beautiful girl smiling. I didn't know they ever smiled in those old pictures.

While on our little jaunt, we discussed future business ideas and goals. Mom and I are the incorrigible entrepreneurs in our family; we can and do get excited about at least a dozen different ideas each week. The problem is choosing one to run with. I already know I've got Ruby Red in the works, but that doesn't stop me from sharing the vision for others!

fairy tales

Fairy tales. Worlds of magic and mystery and miracles exist in those tales. They beckon you to enter in and experience the wonder for yourself, all over again. When I was younger, I used to read the "Fairy Books"--those collections of tales that always featured a color. For instance, the "Blue Fairy Book," or the "Green Fairy Book." If you've read them or seen them, you know that they aren't about fairies who were blue or green, but named for the color of their covers. Inside the books would be tales of dwarves and singing barnyard animals and ogres and, yes, even fairies.

At times more gruesome at times than what Disney would portray (I don't remember Cinderella's step-sisters cutting off their heels or toes in order to fit the glass slipper in the movie, like they did in the book!), the stories presented an alternate world in which good was rewarded and evil was punished and words of wisdom were hidden among childhood tales. Reading them felt like how the world really should be.

I'm currently reading Keeping a Princess Heart: In a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World by Nicole Johnson. It's a new direction for me to head ... when I was very young, I did, indeed participate in skirt-twirling contests with my kindergarten friends, but when I reached the double digits (all 10 years of it!) I started to lose interest in bangles and ruffles and avoided the color pink at all costs. Slowly, but surely, I've begun regaining my inner lost girly-girl who somehow became jaded and guarded over the years.

But the book is not really about being a girly-girl and wearing a tiara on your head each day. Actually, it's more an allegorical reminder about how to keep the balance between dreams and reality--how not to lose hold of the beautiful hopes for the future while living in the frantic pace of the present, which, all things considered, is excellent advice for me and any other person who has big goals on hold.

So, in the spirit of my inner princess, I'm going to commit to doing something: I'm going to take at least 30 minutes this week to make some calls and talk to local printers for some general information on costs and procedures, and then I'm going to work on at least two actual designs for Ruby Red. And then I'm going to write a to-do list on this blog for additional practical steps towards realizing my own personal fairy tale--the one in which this princess not only spins straw into gold, but also beats Rumpelstiltskin at his own game and ends up making a profit in which to buy her own castle in which to live happily ever after "even when there ain't no prince" (to quote Joy Williams).

ouch!!!

I'm sick again. I woke up with a pounding headache and sinus problems. Nothing new, really. As I've said before: I find nothing cute at all about my frequent battles with acute sinusitus.

So, because I know how this will go ... recurring episodes of the lovely little infection until I get rid of it once and for all ... I broke down and went to the Urgent Care clinic in town. He diagnosed me as predicted (I could have saved him the trouble and just told him what to prescribe me!).

He did something new, though. He had me get a shot for some instant anti-inflamatory relief, and then prescribed the normal 30-day dose of antibiotic horse pills, as well as a decongestant.

Healthcare in the US definitely is not cheap. I don't know how much I owe for the shot, since they won't send the bill for another couple of months, but hopefully my sickness and accident plan for my "health insurance policy" will cover 80% of it after the co-pay. As for the prescriptions; I'm hurting. The antibiotic alone cost me $110! That's ridiculous! My insurance plan is the bare minimum, so I didn't get a prescription card, hence, I only get a "discount", hence, I didn't get much of a "discount" at all. Grrrr.

Fortunately, I have just enough health insurance to provide a $15 co-pay for sick visits. Otherwise, that would have been another $140 on top of everything else.

If I didn't know that taking that much antibiotics will probably clear up my underlying skin issues (occasional outbreaks of zits), I would have to faint right about now. I guess I'm just going to look at it as preventative medicine so that I don't have to go the doctor again during hay-fever season, plus a "free" prescription from my "dermatologist."

national craft month

March is National Craft Month in the US and Make It! month in the UK.

I intend to celebrate by having my mom teach me to use her sewing machine (after at least 10 years of avoiding the thing), and by continuing to flit about with my crafty supplies to determine my favorite things to do on a free evening (not that I have that many!).

In other news ... yes, Ruby Red Design is actually coming along *gasp!*. I've got some things I'm looking into, and I would like to see that it is an actually business within the next six months--less, if I have my way! Up next is working on a busines plan, getting a business checking account (and putting some of my own money in it), work on designs (which means some major catch-up learning time in Illustrator and InDesign CS2!), and then licenses, wholesale supplier accounts, tax ID#, making contact with printers in the area, etc. I have a lead for a place to showcase my finished products in a boutique-style consignment shop. I'll look into the pros and cons of that in a little bit.

Otherwise, my over-active entrepreneurial imagination went in over-drive last night after sitting in my bed propped up with fluffy pillows and browsing the latest issue of Country Living magazine (love, love, love it! This month has an entire feature on female entrepreneurs!). There is also an article on creating a craft room and/or space for creativity. Ohh! I was so excited and inspired by what I saw. And then I thought ... wouldn't it be wonderful to own a tiny little boutique shop that sold craft supplies ... not those tired, mass-market, and sometimes-cheesy things at A.C.Moore or Hobby Lobby, but a sweet little place to browse to your heart's delight for antique buttons, vintage fabrics, adorable skeins of yarn, scraps of lace or ribbon, and ephemera galore? A place where you never find the same things twice, because the majority of it would be bits and pieces scouted out from flea markets, anitique shops, and grandma's attic? Wouldn't that be just so charming?! I might just have to meld that to Ruby Red somehow. I mean, I might not be able to make a quilt or knit a sweater, but I could sell these amazing little "finds" to other ladies who do!

*sigh* Oh, the businesses I could start if I just had the $$$. LOL!

what comes next

I've been thinking a lot about reality lately. For instance, it is a reality that I need to stop blogging and head out the door within the next three minutes in order for me to get to work on time.

I think I've come to the conclusion that it is easy ... much too easy ... to get wrapped up in fantasy. Like thinking, "oh, I'll do it tomorrow," or "that will never happen to me," or "wouldn't it be wonderful if ..."

I guess anyone who's ever been successful has lived in reality: the whole past, present, and future of it.

Learn from the past, act in the present, and plan for the future. Pretty simple, huh? Except that I tend to get lost somewhere along the way. Doesn't really matter what's at stake. It could be eating healthily or losing weight or writing a book or serving the Lord or starting a business. What matters is what I do on a minute-to-minute basis to act on these goals.

So, what comes next?

I'll have to tell you later ... for now, I have to act in the reality that I have 8 minutes to get to work.

end of a short month

I realized that today is the last day of the month of February. Where did it go? Why is it that the lack of two additional days makes it feel so short? And why don't they think of a clever way to say it instead of tacking it hurriedly on the end of an otherwise simple rhyme?

Thirty days hath September,
April, May, and November.

All the rest have thirty-one ...

except for February.

continuing down the road less traveled

I called the guy today and told him I was declining his offer of employment. He didn't take it like I thought he would ... he tried to lure me back in by saying he was prepared to make a counter offer, and when I faltered he asked why and said he could tell there was more to my decision than just the money. He was correct, but you don't actually tell people that you've heard unattractive things about them and their company.

So, I thought he'd let it go, but he pushed for details, and I got a bit flustered and tongue-tied trying to think of something professional to say, when all I really wanted was for him to stop trying to reel me in! At last, I gave in and admitted that I had been facing a decision between accepting a job in the field and starting my own business, and had decided to go with my own thing. He backed down a little after that, but kept hinting that he was willing to pay me more. Being the open and honest person I am, I blurted out that, prior to the weekend, if he had offered me a guaranteed hourly wage that was $1 hr. more than I currently make, I would have been tempted to reconsider. He, of course, tried to use that comment to maneuver the conversation into a bargaining table.

Finally, I collected myself back together again and politely, pleasantly, but firmly repeated my intial refusal of the offer. He accepted that, but ended the conversation with an open invitation to call him back to discuss his counter offer, should I change my mind.

If nothing else, the whole process was a bit of a confidence booster for me in regards to my talent and abilities. Obviously, he knew, as I knew, that, after a little training, I would be a tremendous asset to his team--so much so that he was pushing for me to accept his offer. I kind of liked being sought-after!

You know what this all means? I absolutely, positively MUST start my little ol' business within the next 6 months, or else I will be a liar, a sluggard, and a wimp. I have just officially made a professional decision away from seeking further employment in my field (at least here in my small town), and must find another--more entrepreneurial--way to meet my needs.

You hear that? That's the sound of the whip cracking to get me back to work.

dilemma update

Still thinking, still asking friends and loved ones for advice, and still praying ... but unless something literally drops from the sky to tell me otherwise, I'm 99.9% sure I'm going to decline the position.

This is because I found out that someone I know, whom I asked for advice tonight, has a family member who has worked at the particular company in question for over 20 years. The things she told me (from personal experience), about how the company is run and things the owner and management have been known to do, have me very concerned about the quality of the work environment. If even a small part of what she said is true, I am convinced that it would be a very bad move to accept the position they have offered.

opportunity? detour? bad idea?

Here I go again ...

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Three things I'm terrible at! I'm the girl who stood in front of the Baskin-Robbins 31 counter and found deciding among all those choices completely impossible. (In case you're wondering, I almost always ended up asking for Mint-Chocolate Chip, purely because it was a safe bet--I knew I liked it).

So now I have yet another BIG DECISION to make. One that will change the course of my life, or at least the next year of it anyway.

Here it is: the company I interviewed at (oh, did I forget to mention I had an interview?--two, actually) has offered me a position. It is, I should add, a graphic design position. Very low level, but still a job within my field. With benefits (health and dental). Sounds good so far. But wait--there's more.

It pays less than what I am currently making at my part-time jobs. That's right. LESS.

In other words, I'll be able to go once a year to the doctor for a check-up, and have my teeth cleaned twice a year, and have some protection against illnesses or accidents ... but I will still be unable to fix my car should it break down, have an emergency savings, or move out into my own apartment.

Part of me thinks I should most definitely get back in my field, if only to gain the experience needed to apply for better positions--six months is a loooonnnggg time to be out of the graphic design world. And that same part of me loves the idea of having health insurance!

But the other, more vocal, side of me is shouting NO! DON'T DO IT! I still want to have the freedom to pursue starting Ruby Red (which I wouldn't working full-time my first year without vacation time), or the ability to choose to go back to school, or any number of other options I've been mulling over lately. And would hate it if I came across a much better opportunity to apply for a job in my field at a pay rate that will actually support me.

I have to tell my interviewer (and potential boss-to-be) my decision no later than Tuesday. And I am far from being settled in my mind which way to go.

By the way ... fast-food workers can make more than what I was offered. I wasn't exaggerating when I said I couldn't support myself on the income I would be making.

i *heart* old friends

Unexpectedly, out of the blue, I got three emails in one day from dear, old friends of mine whom I hadn't heard from in years. I smiled my way through reading their notes to me, and then wrote back to each of them with great excitement.

Have you ever had friends who not only loved you for who you were, but encouraged you to be what you could be, and weren't afraid to confront you or challenge you when you didn't meet your potential?

That's the kind of friends these girls are. And I miss them even more now that we've touched base after six years apart.

how foolish

of me to disregard caution and consume so much sugar and chocolate in the past couple of days. My allergies flared up last night as a direct result of my junk-food fest. You'd think I'd learn!

something's brewing

I'm not sure why, but I have received two job leads in the past 5 hours. I may have to make some crucial decisions in the coming week about where I want to be headed in the near future. If both leads are positive, I might have a three-pronged Y in the road to contemplate and make a decision about.

When it rains, it pours.

i'm not into religion

Shocking? Maybe. But true.

This is why the folks at NotReligion.com have my attention. They've stripped away the mumbo-jumbo and published a thought-provoking and possibly life-changing message. Love it or hate it--but check it out and decide for yourself.

I am appalled

by how materialistic I can be at times.

Just like Paul of the Bible, sometimes I can be exactly what I don't want to be. It's terrible. I have the designer's curse of being sensitive to good taste and desiring to be surrounded by visually pleasing things. And I also have the crafter's desire to make things and the entrepreneur's desire of making money from things.

The result? Sometimes I wonder if 75% of my life revolves around things: the collecting, displaying, making, and financially benefitting from things.

It's sad, really.

4 ...

Oh, I've been tagged by Sarah at For the Love of Paper for 4 (yes, 4!) days now, and I had no idea because I have been a slacker in my blog reading lately. Sorry, Sarah, and thanks (I'm flattered!) at the same time. Funny, huh, that I found out 4 days later?? Hmmm.

Anyways, here I go:

Four Jobs I've Had in My Life:
1. Kitchen Staff/Gal Friday
2. Graphic Designer
3. "Paint-Your-Own-Pottery" Shop Sales Clerk
4. Library Clerk & Program Coordinator

Four Movies I Would Watch Over and Over:
1. The Incredibles
2. The Princess Bride
3. Pride & Prejudice
4. Pirates of the Caribbean

Four Places I Have Lived:
1. A gray split-level in East TN
2. A tan ground-floor apartment just south of Nashville, TN
3. A cabin on the lake in upstate NY
4. A yellow Cape Cod in Western MA

Four TV Shows I Like to Watch:
1. I Love Lucy
2. Wheel of Fortune
3. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
4. A&E Agatha Christie and Jane Austen stuff!
(it should be pointed out that I don't actually watch TV at all, unless I'm at somebody else's house, as I can't get reception and I don't have cable and I think it is almost always a waste of time ... but, having said that, I have watched a few other TV shows via DVD collections on occasion).

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation:
1. Germany in 1989
2. Chincoteague & Assateague Islands of the coast of Virgina/Maryland (home of the wild ponies) circa 1995.
3. Camping all over the South much of the early '90s
4. Universal Studios, Hollywood in 1994 (loved the Back to the Future ride!)
I haven't had a vacation lately. I need one!

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
1. My webmail account
2. Paperpreneurs.com
3. CareerBuilder.com
4. MySpace.com

Four of My Favorite Foods:
1. Dark Chocolate/Mint-Chocolate Chip Ice Cream (it's a tie)
2. Macaroni & Cheese
3. Lasagna
4. Meatloaf & Mashed Potatoes
(am I sensing a cheese and starch trend here?!)

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:
1. The Virgin Islands
2. In my dream house
3. On a cruise anywhere warm and sun-shiny
4. Nashville, TN (I miss you!)

Bloggers I Am Tagging:
Punkin' Pie Productions
Being a Bean

the prognosis:

not good.

Methinks the lady doth attempt too much!

Looks like this little girl is going to the indie craft market ... but only to shop. I did begin to make my very first mockup blank booklet (3" x 3" w/a beaded marker and vintage fabric accent) on Saturday, and completed it last evening, but I am nowhere close enough to having enough to show in a photograph of my "display"--which basically consists of that one, solitary booklet! So, I am resigned to, yet again, attempting to do something which was a wee bit more than I could handle at the moment. Of course, I guess it didn't help that I have had a very full past few days at my two jobs!

Speaking of jobs, I'm working the "Candlelit Valentine's Dinner" at the tea room. It's going to be a busy, busy day in the kitchen between our normal holiday rush during lunch and the added task of prepping for the dinner at night.

one year ago today ...

... I first ventured into the world of blogging.

Ruby Red isn't yet begun, but I'm closer today than I was last year. Life has moved on. I've met new friends, learned new things, and begun healing from the hardship and stress that I was in the middle of last year.

God is good.

reasons to shop thrift & antique stores

1. Where else, as a "chic, youthful woman" could I learn how to avoid that dreaded "skin-fatigue"?

2. Where else can you spot amazingly dated, yet somehow charming fabrics like these for $1 or less? (fabric samples from a recent Goodwill Stores find).

2. Where else can you gain such wisdom such as this snippet from an early 1900s advertisement booklet for Lady Pinkhams Vegetable Formula?

3. Where else can you find such splended "superflous" (go look THAT one up!) verbage in all its vintage glory??!!

crafty girl strikes again!

Before I turned 10 years-old, I was fearless. I could sell anything to anyone (except my postman--but believe me, I tried). I picked wildflowers and my mother's roses and bundled them together in bouquets which I wrapped homemade wrapping paper around and peddled to the little old ladies across the street. I decorated construction paper with markers and glitter and yarn and sold bookmarks at 5 cents each to the neighbor boy.

After the success of my bookmark and bouquet ventures, I turned to other crafty activities involving washed-out tin cans, popsicle sticks, and felt (among other things). I recruited a girl from up the street to help me assemble and advertise our wares with posters we tacked to the telephone poles. We sold them to whoever would buy one ... except the postman, who flatly refused.

When I moved to another state, my crafty side was undaunted. I left behind popsicle sticks and construction paper bookmarks and moved on to hand-stiched dolls and set to work crocheting scarves and a cover with handles for my Bible. Then I decided to bake cookies and make lemonade and set up shop on my front lawn.

I almost sold out of crafts and baked goods on my first day in business. So many neighbor kids came to buy things that I actually hired a couple, giving them a percentage of my earnings for the time they spent helping me hand out crafts and cookies to my customers. After two days of profits, I was ready for the big time--I had plans to make a quilt and other big-ticket items. Until, that is, I heard through the grapevine that the kids next door had gotten in trouble with their mother for spending their entire week's allowance at my little "shop." Afraid that I'd get in trouble with her too, I never set up my card table on the front lawn again.

As the years passed, I still dabbled in cross-stich or crochet or even the odd sewn item or two, but in junior high and high school a strange thing happened: I lost interest. By the time I was in college, crafts were the furthest thing from my mind.

And now, the crafty girl in me has awakened. She is getting restless, too. Suddenly, buttons and ribbon and pretty fabrics and cool new types of yarn have me excited again. Instead of boring pastel-garbed rabbits or flocks of geese with bonnets or footstools with hearts cut into the sides, I am envisioning edgy yet ultra-feminine decorative pillows, be-ribboned bookcovers, beaded lampshades, and funky yet functional art pieces.

My love for letterpress has opened the floodgates to other traditional craft professions. I would love to learn glassblowing, for instance. And sewing no longer seems like something restricted to "home ec" class. I want to sew usable aprons. Like they had in the forties--only better. And I'm remembering how much I loved my pottery throwing and handbuilding classes in college for my Art minor.

It's weird, actually, how quickly this crafty mindset has crept back into control! So much so that I am seriously considering going to a local indie craft market in May in order to try to launch my business. Hmmmm. Can I do it? The application is due in just over a week, but it requires images of the crafts I intend to sell--which means I have to get hopping on prototypes if I want to attend! I'll keep y'all updated on my progess, whether or not I succeed in my insane little mission.

be remarkable

I'm a book-skimmer. I pick up interesting looking books (yes, I do judge a book by its cover) and flip through them, gleaning what I find helpful and ignoring what I don't.

This practise is, in fact, a valuable way to save money when on a tight budget. Give yourself at least an hour to browse the mega-bookstore, grab a few books and magazines that catch your eye, and then snatch up one of the few remaining cushy chairs to sit and skim to your hearts content. Some days you might buy one of the books, some days you might not.

On Thursday, I did. I went to Books-A-Million for some serious business book skim time and ended up leaving with a funny little purple-spotted hardcover book about how to stand out in the crowd, or, rather, how to make your product or company stand out. It's recommendation? Be remarkable.

I've yet to actually read the entire book that I bought, but I am eager to glean any tidbits about marketing and product positioning that I can learn from Seth Godin, the author of Purple Cow: Transform Your Business By Being Remarkable.

And for more from Seth, check out his blogs: Seth Godin's Blog and All Marketers are Liars.

dear mom,

Happy, happy, happy 50th!

You are an amazing woman whom I am so grateful to know and have for my mother and friend. I missed telling you happy birthday before you left to go to class, so I hope you end up here sometime today before I get back from work.

Love you!

happy groundhog day

Six more weeks of winter, according to good ol' Punxatawny Phil.

D.I.Y.

Closely associated with the indie crafting community is the idea of Do It Yourself.

Make your own coasters? Great! How about the coffee table to go with it? Oh, yeah. An entire home to surround the coffee table? Got it covered ... and it's solar-powered, to boot.

Now, I don't know that I'm handy enough to go that far, but I just found a new site that is fun to browse and quite an inspiration for D.I.Y. Designers. It has handy diagrams, nifty links, and, if you like it enough, you can buy the book.

recent research has proven

that 10 out of 9 women love chocolate.

------------------------------------
(And I am no exception!)

true beauty

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."

--Elizabeth Barret Browning

happy birthday, mozart

Celebrating 250 years (more or less) of Eine Kleine Nacht Musick.

Take a minute out of your busy schedule to sit back and enjoy the genius of this man of music.

i love your toboggan!

It's sleek, it's cool, it's stylin' ...

It's on your head.

------------------------------------------------
Is this only a Southern thing? I have to stop myself from picturing a long wooden sled when customers at the Big Retail Store ask if we carry any toboggans. I don't know, maybe I've just been using the wrong name for those things my whole life, but I just call them hats.

today's word is

Mentor.

Find one today!

odd jobs

BellSouth is featuring unique or off-the-beaten-path careers this week.

I think I'll choose Cake Decorator or Sleep Lab Technician (although I don't qualify for the latter).

Any Horse Wranglers or Aircraft Painters out there?

if i could live anywhere ...

... I'd live here.



I love this little Cape Cod cottage in the 'Boro. It's my dream home. I've passed it many times when I was in college and would admire it each and every time I drove by on the way to church (it's close enough to walk from there to services!). When it went up for sale a couple of years ago, I even called the realtor and asked about it, but they wanted more than I could even consider paying, since it has a full basement, a rarity for its location, four bedrooms, and a fenced-in yard.

Although the pink siding is charming, I would probably paint it a warm gray, keep the white shutters, columns, and trim, then paint the door a bright, shiny red and add a brass kick-plate. In the foyer (if there is one) I'd hang a gorgeous, but small, chandelier.

Then I'd let Zoe run around in the back yard, and everything would be just perfect.

i love antiquing!

Oh, the weekend was so much fun. Not only did I have the chance to visit the wonderful shops at The Factory at Franklin and downtown Franklin, but my brother's girlfriend and I ganged up against him and dragged him with us to go antiquing--an activity we both happen to love. We oohed and ahhed over everything from $2 postcards to a $21k Italian bedroom suite from the early 1900s. I searched in vain for a 1st edition copy of one of my favorite childhood books: The Lost Prince, by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

Over the course of the weekend, I got two shots of chandeliers to add to my collection of favorites (it's a new hobby of mine--chandelier spotting!); one is from a bridal boutique in the Factory at Franklin, and the other is in an antique store in Middle Tennessee. I also found this wonderful "snowman" coated in white chocolate at a chocolatier shop's window display, and my good-natured brother found a goat head (his one "find" at the antique store).

I had the wonderful opportunity to visit with and spend inordinate amounts of time in the midst of "girl talk" with old and new friends (you know who you are!) over the weekend--an unexpected and delightful pleasure.

All in all ... it was a thoroughly enjoyable sabbatical from my frenzied existence. In fact, my whole weekend, even the driving parts, can be summed up in a single, drawn-out word.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

road trip! (sort of)

*singing* "I'm... off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!"

Just kidding.

I'm heading out to the Nashville area for the weekend, to visit my brother and some friends. I'm so excited, because I haven't been out that way since September and I'm going to have the opportunity to drive around some old haunts.

I'm bringing my camera, of course, so I'll have pictures when I get back. And maybe some new stationery/design inspirations to share.

But, come Monday, I'll tap my ruby slippers and come back home to "Kansas." I'll probably be exhausted when I arrive at work that evening, but it will be well worth the trip.

present perfect

What do modern English grammar, the King James Bible, and the key to success in entrepreneurship (and maybe even life!) have in common?

Perfection.

I'm smiling as I type this, because, really, you never know what you're going to read about when you visit here, do you? I'm sure you didn't expect this! But it actually is quite relevant to both my life, and perhaps yours, as well. So, maybe I'm a crazy, confused gal, but I like to dispense little educational tidbits now and then.

First, a grammar lesson.

Remember in school when you had to identify the different parts of speech or pick out the dependent clause in a sentence? And then you had to figure out whether a sentence was past tense, or present tense ... and later on you discovered that there isn't just past, present, or future tense--there are also different types of past, present, and future tense! And one of those types, it just so happens, is called "perfect."

Growing up, I didn't understand that one. In fact, it really bothered me. How on earth could somebody determine if a past tense verb was perfect or not! Really. What made it any better than a past progressive or a simple past?

The word perfect puzzled me in a different context, as well. In church, my pastor always read from a King James Bible. The word perfect seemed to come up quite a bit, like in reference to King Solomon's building the Temple, it says in 2 Chronicles 8:16 "... So the house of the LORD was perfected." A New Testament example is found in Romans 12:2 "... that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (emphasis in both passage is mine). I understood the common meaning of the word "perfect"--flawless--but the full meaning escaped me for many years.

And then, in college I took Modern English Grammar & Usage, a joint senior/master's level class for my writing minor. Inevitably, the topic of verb tenses was covered in detail. Our professor, bless her, went over and over and over the grammatical rules, trying to (nicely) get it through our mental blocks how to tell the difference between one and the other in order to pass our upcoming exam.

We didn't get it. Past, present, and future perfects just didn't make any sense.

Until I got up the nerve to ask for a better definition.

As it turns out, perfect, in the english grammatical sense, means complete. Any verb in its perfect form signifies an action that has been completed (past), is complete (present), or will be complete (future).

Ohhhh. It was like in one of those cartoons where a lightbulb flashes above a character's head. We finally got it! So, on the test, any time we found a completed verb, it was perfect. And from that day forward, whenever I come across that context in the Bible, I know that it means that Solomon's Temple was complete, or that the will of God is complete.

And now, in my research of entrepreneurship, I'm reading Why Aren't You Your Own Boss? by Paul and Sarah Edwards, two entrepreneurial heros of mine, and it turns out that the key to success in any venture, whether one as simple as cleaning a bathroom or as complex as creating a master business plan, is completion.

It doesn't matter how many ideas we have, or how many creative impulses; if we do not follow them through to completion, then we will never succeed. Pretty simple, huh? Yet pretty profound, considering that one of my own chief weaknesses is the tendency to have a million ideas, or a hundred ways to do things, or even just a dozen or so manuscripts in the works.

I have to complete. It's that simple!

It's that perfect.

Questions:

So, if I went back to college and got my B.F.A. to add to my B.S., is that digressing, even though I would be getting the B.F.A. so that I could one day get my M.F.A. and be eligible to teach college classes, like I've always planned on doing?

And would I be wimping out of the so-called "real world" if I did?

And what if I decided to go back to my alma mater, is that a stupid career move, since it isn't a fancy-pants art school, and why on earth would I want to spend more $$$ on a degree that didn't come with a prestigous diploma?

Why do I want an M.F.A.? Do I really want to teach one day? Is it worth it?

I know. I know. I know. You don't need a degree to suceed. I'm living proof, in a round-about way, of that. After all, my degree, as it was, did not help me very far along in my own "dream job." And it certainly hasn't gotten me much prestige since then. I don't need a degree to start my business. I don't need a college to help me learn anything. And I certainly don't need more student loans to be paid back over ten years.

But yet ... I just found out today that I could take two letterpress classes, in addition to book arts classes, illustration classes, and extra graphic design classes. I could even intern at a real letterpress business for an entire semester of setting type and making limited edition books. I had NO IDEA that my college had that as part of the art program! I don't think it was there before I graduated about two years ago.

If I went for it, this could be the very thing that will jump-start Ruby Red into existence. I'd once again be near several excellent independant stationery stores, and networking with people who could become customers or investors, not to mention being near my brother, good friends I left behind when I moved home, and the church family that I have been aching to be part of again.

The funny thing is, I've now achieved that elusive "independant" status that students over 23 achieve. My eligibility for scholarships, grants, and loans is now determined by my income alone--which, I assure you, is small indeed. So, even though I don't get the wonderful 50% tuition reduction as a dependent of a state employee (my dad works for a Tennessee college), I do get the benefit of not being considered middle class--at least financially. Nope. I'm pretty much impoverished right now!

I don't know. It's all pretty nebulous at the moment. I might even post this to Blogger in the next minute or two and immediately change my mind.

But I'm still curious as to the answers of the above questions, and the one following this paragraph, as well.

What if?

to do

1. Laundry. It has piled up on me for way too long now. I need clean socks!
2. Try to whip my home office (a.k.a "bedroom") into a semblence of order.
3. Feed Zoe, who is now outside not frolicking in the snow. (Yes! We have snow!)
4. Listen to some great classical or instrumental jazz while starting to read Julie & Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen, by Julie Powell. It's a memoir about one woman's challenge to herself to cook all 524 recipes in Julia Child's cookbook within one year. I love to read memoirs, and I love good food, so this book should be right up my alley. I can't wait!

Text in gray was done. #2 was attempted. #4 is good so far, but I'm dissapointed by some of the content.

Family Up For Auction

I'm not kidding!

These people are actually, factually, putting themselves up for auction on eBay. Think an old-fashioned-style family of "staff" to take care of somebody's house, cars, yard, whatever for five years ... anywhere in the world. According to the AP interview video, they'd love to go to Hawaii.

Their price? $1.5 million, and the auction ends Sunday. No takers yet.

emily & me

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

-Emily Dickinson

(many thanks to criswatk @ stock.xchng for the beautiful photo!)

Frankenfood

This is the word of the day, according to my calendar.

I am not making this stuff up!

(image from The True Dork Times)

Oh, and if I had the $$$ ...

I'd enroll in every single one of the classes at BookWorks in Asheville, NC.

Watch This

Oh, this is too cool ... a video clip about letterpress!

It might take a little while to load, but it is well worth the wait.

Indie Crafters, Unite!

I had no idea I was part of an underground movement, but as it turns out, I am.

I am an Indie Crafter. Hear me roar.

For more indie crafting goodness, check out these sites, some more loosely connected to the movement than others:

ReadyMade Magazine
Craft Revolution
Renegade Craft
Budget Living Magazine
Craftster.org
Make Workshop

(Just so you know, this is the fine print in which I say that all opinions contained in the aforementioned websites are, in fact, theirs alone, and that I don't necessarily endorse them, blah-blah-blah. You get the point. Seems like some of the indies are a bit --shall we say--freerer than I am.)

better

The 24 (or 36) hour bug has run its course, leaving me weary and a bit weak, but okay.

An unfortunate side effect, however, is that because of all the time I've spent in bed for the past two days, I'm now experiencing sleeplessness, hence the 1 a.m. blogging session.

A million and one things are buzzing around in my brain--which really doesn't help the whole sleeplessness thing that much--and I am sketching thumbnails (as in ideas ... not those things on your fingertips) once again.

I can't wait to try them out for real.

Which, incidentally, brings me back to letterpress. Doesn't everything?! Anyway, I've been web-surfing this morning, and I found this wonderful bit of photography illustrating how the process works. Good stuff!

yucky-yucky, sick-sick

I haven't been truly sick in so long (1.5 years +) that I had forgotten what it felt like.

No worries, today has been an excellent reminder; it goes like this:

nervous stomach --> headache --> ache all over --> chills --> lots and lots of sleep --> too exhausted to think

Thank goodness for soft fleece blankets and DayQuil.

things that make me happy on a gray day

• letters/emails from friends
• blue M & M's
• suspense novels
• sunbeams streaming through the clouds
• freshly sharpened pencils
• singing hymns at the top of my lungs
• the crunch! sound the first bite into an apple makes
• a great pair of shoes ... on sale
• any verse from the book of Isaiah
• upbeat acoustic singer-songwriters
• red front doors
• my dog, Zoe, when she greets me at the backyard gate
• silly movie quotes (who can finish this one: "no more rhymes ... and I mean it!")
• belly laughs
• the smell of a good cup of coffee
• ironic signs along a road
• pajamas, a fleece blanket, a pillow to hug, and a comfy couch
• shiny black Yamaha baby grands (and even better, playing one!)
• my church
• baking coconut macaroons
• looking through old photos
• and, if it snows ... making snowmen and snow angels.

Knoxville, TN

Question: Who would even try to push or pull this big red guy?

"The Strip" on Cumberland, right next to the University of Tennessee.

Yes, I was driving when I took this. But I wasn't looking through the view finder, thank you very much! Note the orange and white checkerboard on the side of Rocky Top Books.

Self Explanatory, no? (Knoxville was the home of the 1982 World's Fair)

The Sunsphere, main structure of World's Fair Park.

I don't know anything about it, but it's pretty in the light of the setting sun, don't you think?

The sign for a store in a strip mall. Can you find the error?

I don't know which part of me is irritated by this more: the graphic designer or the journalist. Either way, it's wrong! Come on, people. We see ampersands every day! It should have been fairly obvious it was hung backwards. And why don't they fix it? Grrrr.

Oh, those starving journalists ...

I just found this blog post by chance. Truer words for us journalist/mass communications types have never been spoken (or at least not recently!).

Job Pundit: Journalist job market as a tournament game

Book Addict

Sign me up for a 12-step program, 'cause I'm hopeless.

The New Cooks' Catalogue is my newest addition to a growing collection. My newfound interest in the art of cooking is to blame for this bargain $7.99 purchase at Borders in Knoxville. It's kind of like an encyclopedia of kitchen tools.

Letterpress Tidbits

My interest in printing has been leaning increasingly back to the 1800s lately. Although you couldn't call me a purist (one who would never dream of using anything besides wooden or metal type), I am entranced by beautiful impressions on soft paper, something a laser printer or offset press can never duplicate outside of extra embossing.

I hope to soon be among the letterpressers of the world, and, by combining today's technology (photopolymer plates) with yesterday's methods and equipment, creating modern vintage pieces of stationery and even, maybe, booklets and books.

For more information on this gorgeous method of communication, check out these sites:

"Wood Type Rising: The ressurection of letterpress arts" This is an article from last year by Michael Neault for Rochester's alternative weekly, the City Paper.

Briar Press THE one-stop online resource for letterpress enthusiasts.

Bosshard's Printing Primer for beginners like me.

Yee-Haw Industries, East Tennessee's own world-famous letterpress shop in Downtown Knoxville. Very cool. I've been there several times! This link is to their description of the process of their craft.

Hatch Show Print, another world-famous Tennessee letterpress print shop, still operational since its beginnings in 1879, although now under the wing of Nashville's Country Music Hall of Fame. Though I used to live in Nashville, I have not yet had the privilege of visiting this venerated print shop.

I love this art form--for it is art--so much that I am determined to learn it soon. Very soon. In fact, soon enough for me to start a product line that I have been developing of late ... a product line that I've named and gotten one of my websites for. But if I can not print them myself this year, I will hire it out to an already operational print shop who can, because the idea is HOT! (And cold ... and starched. But more on that later!)

Meanwhile, I need to register the name with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

And you'd better keep tuned. Because Ruby Red is gearing up this year to take off.

Start the Presses!

Baby Steps

I took my first step today. At 2:10 a.m. EST I bought three domain names. One for Ruby Red, one for me, and one for a soon-to-be-announced new business name.

This is huge.

Coming soon to a web browser near you ... rubyreddesign.com! (And two others. Wait and see).

All Around My Town

a) "The Hood is Back" -- spray painted downtown
b) Mullet Man (in an Antique Store!)
c) Pals, an East Tennessee fast food icon. I've never eaten there.
d) Found: one prince-in-waiting. Last seen sitting in T.J.Maxx.
e) Mall Advice
f) Blurry and Beautiful
g) Sleeping Beauty

These pictures are from my wanderings around town today. I love to go antique shopping ... you find the strangest things, and you don't have to spend money to have fun. I found an entire gathering of ceramic owls in the attic room of one store. They stared at me, wide-eyed, as I inspected them. In another room, I found a bust of Beethoven wearing a 50s-style lady's hat. He didn't look so happy.

Happy New Year!

I celebrated my New Year's Eve in style by trying my hand at "gourmet" cooking. I downloaded a few chicken cordon bleu recipes, chose the elements I liked best, subtracted and added at will, and ended up with some very delicious food.

On the menu:
Chicken Cordon Bleu
Twice-baked Potato
Tossed Salad
Water with a Lemon Twist
Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Apple Cider
Chocolate Cake
Columbian Supremo Espresso

My dinner companions (on random mix):
Kendall Payne
Michael Buble
Nickel Creek

My evening entertainment:
Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World

Counting Down to 2006 ...

Get in on the Times Square action here.

Or, indulge in a little whimsy for your countdown here. (Thanks to Betsy3491 at Verla Kay's for this one).

New-Years-Eve-A-Phobia

As long as I got to sleep until at least 9 a.m. on January 1st, I have never had a New Year's Eve I have regretted the next day.

This is probably because I don't drink.

But I have always been around people, whether family or friends, for at least a portion of the time before those last milliseconds of the year.

No matter if we were in the middle of a riotous board game session (college friends); vegging out in front of Star Wars (with my brothers); or eating copious amounts of chips and dip while re-hashing family tales, watching the Twilight Zone marathon, and tuning the TV to the ball just before it drops (extended family); I have always been surrounded by people. Tonight, I celebrate alone.

Which is why, minus the assumption that we all give in to consumption (of alcohol, that is), I found this radio clip by Brian Unger on NPR to be so amusing.

Ms. Procrastination

That's me. Yup.

But at least I've done a few things right this season, for instance, in direct response to the article I linked to about thank you notes, I wrote them. Handwritten, on a thank you note card. This isn't so much a pat on the back as a confession: I am the world's worst good-intentioned procrastinator.

This might be a good New Year's Resolution ... procrastination--Be Gone!

Weather Report

Got a call from my mom just before dinner time saying to watch out for extreme weather conditions, as predicted by the Weather Channel.

I told her that yes, it had started to thunder and lightning, but not to worry, that I was heading out for a little bit down the road, but I would be home before the storm really hit.

Not so! Somewhere in between 5:30 and 6:00 EST, I drove through our subdivision and the rain started to drizzle, then rain in earnest, then pour, and then ... I had to stop my car when the rain sounded awfully loud on my roof and seemed to be gathering in chunks on my windshield.

It was, as you can see in this picture, hail.

Needless to say, I hadn't driven even a minute down the road when I had to turn back around and wait it out at home until the storm dissipated around 7:30. The hail, fortunately, stopped before I had to make a dash back inside the house. But I managed to get this snapshot of our side door out of the garage, and the "precipitation" that gathered there in less than two minutes.

Phew.

No Thank Yous

Hmmmmmmm.

Whatever happened to the Thank You Note?

Remembering Reality

I've been trying to avoid this wretched thing called reality. It haunts me, even in my dreams. Back to work. Back to smiling and nodding and handing back change or calling out "order up!" Back to remembering that I am, indeed, all too human and frail and undisciplined.

Don't get me wrong: I loved Christmas, every second of it. I loved the food and the family gathering and the presents and the tacky wooden lawn ornaments that mysteriously appeared on my across-the-street neighbor's front lawn one day. I loved the Christmas Eve time of family worship in which we read the Christmas story and sang old-fashioned carols out of the same booklet we have used for nearly 20 years. I loved remembering that Christmas is more than jingle bells and red-nosed reindeer, and that the best gift of all came wrapped in swaddling clothes.

But it was almost too good to last. My brother has driven back to his apartment over 4 hours away, my parents took down the Christmas trees and packed up the decorations before traveling to visit extended family. As for me, I'm heading back to work at Ye Olde Big Retail Store tonight, just in time to handle the rush of returns from the Christmas present that didn't work.

So now, as the New Year looms, I'm looking back and remembering all the events of this past year, a year that has changed my life.

Ten months ago, shortly after I started recording my life events on this blog, I quit my job as a graphic designer. It all started when I realized that I wasn't happy and I was literally becoming ill from stress. A split second later, I realized the only way for me to regain my health and happiness was to leave my dream job. A day later, reality set in and I had to break my lease, eventually move in with my parents again, and begin hunting for employment. I got a job, was laid off from the job, found two more jobs to make ends meet, and you know the rest.

Now I'm feeling restless again, making me ask, is it just me? Am I giving in to discontent? Or is this God, nudging me on to my next adventure? I don't know. I really don't.

There's no shame in working food service or retail--I know that. It's honest work rewarded by honest wages. The problem is my creative spirit and intellect are feeling a wee bit neglected lately. Quite frankly, only three months after starting my two jobs, I've nearly mastered my job descriptions, and now I'm, well ... bored.

So I have a few options:

a) Start seriously looking for a professional job (or at least one that will support a lease and health insurance payments).

b) Quit one of my two jobs in order to spend more time focusing on my writing and small business.

c) Go back to school for a Master's degree or specialized training.

d) Do nothing. Keep on keepin' on until I sense a more clear direction to move.

Last time I started listing options for my dilemma, my office closed down and I ended up on unemployment. I hope this time my "clear direction" isn't quite so dramatic, but, then again, I did get the picture when it was spelled out for me like that!

This is one problem I have when it comes to looking to the future or back toward the past: I over-analyze everything in an effort to understand it.

After Christmas, Part 2

Oh, Christmas Tree

After Christmas, Part 1

And the snowmen were laid by the chimney with care
Relieved that St. Nicholas at last had been there.

(The image quality isn't the best, but bear with me ... I got a digital camera for Christmas and I'm still learning. Such fun!)

For unto us a child is born ...

... unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. -Isaiah 9:6

May the Prince of Peace be with you.

~* Merry Christmas *~

Because She Makes Me Happy

... and I need a smile.

Here we are, my beloved Zoe and I. This picture was taken by a good friend of mine last year around Christmas. I've used it as my avatar on a couple of forums, and I'm planning on handing it out with my Christmas cards this year (no, I have not sent them yet! I figure if the wise men took so long to get to Jesus, my card can wait a day or two as well *grin*)

Happy Christmas Eve - Eve.

Shop 'Til You Drop

I love Christmas, but this is getting ridiculous. The Big Retail Store did $8k over its goal today. My register alone had almost $10k in sales from the entire day. Oh, and I didn't clock out until about midnight--30 minutes later than scheduled.

And before I ended up there, the Christmas Crazies had hit the tea room earlier today. Kids were running around and screaming, customers were allergic to numerous items on the menu and sent things back two or three times, people waited and waited to get seated, and waited some more for their drinks to be filled and their orders to arrive because we only had two servers on the floor.

Meanwhile,the cook and I were running around like madwomen, bumping into each other, hunting down dishes to put things on, and generally making a mess that would rival that of a tornado, had one ripped through the kitchen.

Rough day, all around.

And inside ...

Can't believe I'm still working on this. I need to send them out, already! At least when I get home this evening after work (around midnight) I will be able to PDF the files and print them off on my iMac. I've been using my parents' PC, which has the Adobe Creative Suite 2 on it, but they do not have a color printer, and I do not have the CD for the driver so I can simply bring mine upstairs to connect with the PC. Then again, I probably could find it online. We'll see.

Regardless, this is the inside of the card. I have to stop playing with Photoshop now and get ready to go to work for the second time today! It's going to be a looonnngggg week. I'm scheduled five nights out of seven, in addition to working during the day. I have the pleasure (note sarcasm) of working an 8-hour shift at the Retail Store on Christmas Eve and will undoubtably end up working on the day after Christmas, otherwise known as Returns Day. But it's all good. And it will bring in the $$$, so I'm grateful for that, anyway.

Christmas Card 2005 ... Front

This is the revised front of my 2005 card, as of right now. I'm still working on a few things ...

List of elements used so far:

- Acrylic paints on art paper
- Old-Fashioned Floral Illustrations (Dover Publications, copyright 1990)
- Adobe Illustrator CS2
- Adobe Photoshop CS2

Crazy, Klutzy, Day

Yesterday was, without a doubt, an embarrassing one for me.

I started it off with a good ol' fashioned phone explosion. I had been booking a reservation at the tea room while cleaning up my mess from the scones I had made, so the phone was propped up between my shoulder and ear while I worked. In the middle of confirming the date, the phone slipped off my shoulder and crashed to the floor, the battery cover flew one direction, the battery another, and the phone ended up under the bread warmers.

According to the kitchen manager, the look on my face was priceless. She lost it, and started laughing, and I joined in, collapsing to my knees on the kitchen floor because I was trying to pick up the pieces while out of breath from laughing so hard. We collected the pieces, and no sooner had we jammed the battery back into place then the lady called back, sounding a little confused. I had to try my hardest not to laugh while talking to her on the phone, although a couple giggles came out, so I ended up having to explain the situation to her.

Then, once the Friday rush had started, I began working on the orders that came in from the first tables and ladled vegetable beef soup into the soup cups for one table's side dishes. The order went out, the day went on, and it wasn't until halfway through lunch that one of the waitors asked which pot was the veggie beef so he could get a cup for a customer. I pointed to the pot I had served out of, and the kitchen manager/cook pointed to another. We looked at each other in surprise.

I had served sphaghetti sauce as veggie beef soup! In my defense, it did have hamburger in it, just like the vegetable beef, and the vegetable beef was also tomato based, just like the sauce. What is so funny about it is that nobody complained! Fortunately, I only served the "vegetable beef soup" to one table that I can think of, but I was extremely embarrassed when I told the owner at our Christmas party last night about my soup incident.

And ... on the way to the Christmas party, I rode with another girl and helped get us both lost by giving misguided directions.

It was my very own Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I think I'll move to Australia.

Actually, it did end on a good note. The food we ate at the bed and breakfast that night was excellent, and I enjoyed hanging out with my coworkers for the night. They're a fun bunch of people. And something amazing happened to me! I won a game! I NEVERwin games, or prizes, or anything at all. The prize I won was pretty amazing, too: a portable DVD player. Seriously. I would have never dreamed I'd ever have one.

Later, when the kitchen manager gave us all small gifts, and mine included some of those stretchy knit gloves, a coworker teased me that I had gotten a portable DVD player and been like "ohhhh, cool," while I had gotten gloves and been like "ohhhh! wow! I've been needing these!". I don't think he quite understood how amazed how surprised and grateful I had been about the DVD player ... I couldn't say anything else. I had been speechless! (And that doesn't happen very often).

More Christmas Card Artwork

I was an art minor, not an art major in school, so it might show in these impressionistic renderings of my sketches, but I'm happy with them. My favorite is the alabastar jar in the middle for the frankincense. They're going to be assembled with the rest of the card soon, on a deep blue painted background. What do you think?

Christmas Cards Are Comin'

Just some rough sketches for my 2005 Christmas card. The idea behind it is four gifts for the King ... gold, frankincense, myrrh ... and my heart.

tending the fire

Most Sunday evenings, when my work schedule allows, I would be driving to church right now, but instead I am the Keeper of the Flame at home ... literally.

My parents' house's heat pump just up and died on us yesterday afternoon, just as the cold front moved in and two weeks after the home owner's warranty expired. So, my dad stayed home this morning and I am keeping an eye on things this evening. Every twenty minutes or so I poke around in the embers and rearrange the wood, adding a piece or two as needed.

Meanwhile, we have a kerosene heater in the garage (to help keep pipes from freezing) and a space heater that we move around with us to pick up where the fire leaves off. Tomorrow, the heating men are supposed to come and take a look at things. I hope that they fix whatever is broken before it gets even colder!

So, in between my fireplace duties and spending some time with my dog, I am taking advantage of the unexpected free time by sitting down to paint the design for my Christmas cards. I will upload some sketches later on.

I've looked forward to this for two years!

I am a HUGE fan of the Chronicles of Narnia. My mother read the entire series out loud at least three times to my brothers and me. I grew up on the BBC videos, and, at one time in my life, I wanted to believe with all my heart that if I just found the right wardrobe, I might end up in Narnia.

Today, I did. I convinced my family to go with me to the opening day of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. It was a wonderful movie. Go see it!

Although I couldn't help comparing this big-screen version of the story to that of the book and the BBC production, I was, overall, completely enthralled by the actors, scenery, special effects, and ... Aslan. Wow.

Afterward, if you are at all familiar with the rest of the series, go to this website and take a quiz to find out which Narnia character you are. (I'm Prince Rillian!)

Oh, goody! I can't wait!

Went out to the "Big City" tonight with my youngest brother. Combined errands that needed running with a Christmas-shopping excursion that turned up not a single present. But, all was not lost, dear readers! We ate some scrumptious Chinese food and my after-dinner cookie contained a "fortune" that was just too sweet to keep to myself, so I'm sharing it with you!

Hope your dream comes true; I know I'm all a-flutter hoping mine is just around the corner!

Dear Santa

Okay, so while I don't celebrate the Man in Red on December 25, I do enjoy a good Santa Claus story or two. And I'm not above writing him a letter!

The Only Cold I Want to See

If the weather outside is going to be frightful, I'm gonna have to ask, Mr. Weatherman, that it include some snow. LOTS of snow.

It's December!

Despite the fact that I am always cold, and therefore shun cold weather as much as possible, I do love the spirit of the holiday season. Christmas, especially, has been a favorite holiday of mine for as long as I can remember. We're not very extravegent about it in my family, but we all love to play Christmas music in the house and sit on the couch in the dark, just gazing at the glowing tree.

We're not the "Ho,Ho,Ho!" kind of Christmas people, either. We're more the "O Come Let Us Adore Him" type. Many of the ornaments on our tree have symbolism, such as the lamb, or the angels, or even the evergreen of the tree itself.

So, today I'd like to share the lights . . . my favorite part.