How to Stop Worrying

I have always struggled with worry and fear in my life.

As a young girl, I learned the hard way that girls my age were wrapped up in their own cliques and cattiness. Even the church girls. Actually, especially the church girls. Looking back, I thought I was shy. I was wrong. I was introverted, yes, but not exactly shy. I just didn't have the opportunity to shine in my own way for most of my school years. Up until 4th grade, I was fearless and just assumed that everybody loved me. But then I woke up to the realization that every girl but myself in Sunday School had a group of friends that she sat with, while I sat alone. It was a startling revelation. From that day forward, I longed to belong and be admired by my peers. It was a futile desire. The few friends I had were equally ostracized by the popular group. I was ignored by most of the rest of the kids I knew, and even bullied by a few. While I worried away my school years, wondering why nobody liked me, I was wasting precious time in developing my character to become more like Christ's ... not like Lisa's or Michelle's or Nicole's or Ann's. It took until my freshman year of college to understand how wrong I was to base my worth on the opinions of others.

Then, when I gained some weight in Bible College (stupid pizza bites and pre-plated brownies in the cafeteria!), I worried about how I looked to other people ("fat" was a new thing for me... I had been too gangly until college) and got into an obsession with comparing my body shape to every other girl's around me. It was like an addiction; I couldn't make myself stop. Do I look like that? Am I fatter or skinnier than her? Am I uglier or prettier than her? If she is less attractive than I am, will I appear more attractive when I am around her? Finally, I felt so guilty, I asked my resident assistant to call me out on the issue and hold me accountable for breaking the cycle of negativity and--let's face it--covetousness. With a lot of prayer, God's grace, and a few uncomfortable accountability sessions, I did finally overcome my unhealthy obsession.

After college, I walked into my dream job. A dream that you who have followed this blog for the past four years know turned into a nightmare. Once the nightmare began, I felt overwhelmingly incompetent and stressed. My body turned against me. I felt sick to my stomach every morning I went to work. I had nightmares and sleepless nights by turn. My health deteriorated. I went through what was probably a clinical depression. When at last I realized something was terribly wrong, I took immediate action: I quit my job, broke my lease, and moved in with my parents while starting over and going through a healing process mentally and emotionally. Once again, it took a lot of prayer and guidance and clinging to scriptures to bring me back into balance.

The past two years have been ones of positive change for me. I moved back out of my parents' house, found a job in which I can excel, and formed some friendships that challenge, inspire, and encourage me. Slowly, slowly, the worries slipped away.

Yet, recently, I have found myself caught in a cycle of worry and confusion. Part of it is simply that so many parts of my life are up in the air at the moment ... in a good way. Is it time for me to move on and find a better paying position in which I will continue to be challenged? If so, should I consider applying to jobs in other areas of the country? Should I continue to take graduate classes, or should I hold off for awhile? If I decide to move to advance my "career", what will happen to my parents while they try to sell the townhouse? Will the decision I make put my roommate in a bad position? What about other people?

And, perhaps the worst question of all: what if. As in, "what if I make the wrong choice?!" or "what if _[random event]_ doesn't happen?" or "what if _[random person]_ thinks I'm crazy for this?" or "what if they don't understand?" or "what if I offended her/him/them/it when I said what I was thinking?" or ...

What if ... what if ... what if. I could worry for a lifetime about those whats and ifs. But today, while taking some time out to pray and take a few deep breaths (Thank goodness for ladies' rest rooms in offices!), I realized, yet again, that my cycle of doubt and confusion and worry was completely against the commands of God. Seriously. As in:

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’" Matthew 6:30-32

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." Philippians 4:7-9

"... bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ ..." 2 Corinthians 10:4-6

Friends: hold me accountable in this area. I am really struggling. The future is so complex, and I am such a control freak that I want everything to be absolutely perfect, which I know is not only unrealistic, but also a dangerous attitude to hold. In essence, when I worry like this, I am operating in fear and accusing God of not being in control. AND I am putting more value on the opinions of others than of His. What a slap in His face.

Wow. This post sounds a little more negative than I intended it to sound. I'm happy to have come to this conclusion today. I'm more than a little glad I took some "time out" sitting on the floor in the bathroom with the door locked and my head in my hands, praying to God. I know it is going to be a struggle for me, but I am excited about clinging to my Father's arm when I slip and stumble along the way. I know He will catch me and lead me in His way.

And so, to end this lengthy post, may I quote that wisest of the wise men: Bobby McFerrin ... "Don't Worry, Be Happy."

Favorite Words From My Chicago Trip

-Parallel
-Knuckles
-Honorary
-Triangulate
-Amalgamated

Back From Chicago!

I couldn't wait ... Walgreen's developed my pictures today, right after coming home. Unfortunately, they didn't do the best job. And I didn't take the best pictures to begin with. But some did turn out well, so here's the cream of the crop.

The Chicago Sign by Day ...

... and Night.

MJ Looks Out Over the Chicago River.

"The Bean"

"The Bean" Up Close

The Fountain Face in the Park

Outside the Lego Store

On the Bridge ... The Tamest St. Patty's Day RevelersMJ and RubyRed on the Train

Chicago!

I fly out via Southwest this evening with MJ. In the meantime, I'm trying to quickly wrap work stuff, so I don't have to feel guilty for leaving anything behind.

I'm currently in the midst of a Color and Mood whitepaper.

March is Craft Month. But There ARE Some Limits!

"Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry." —Calvin Trillin

About That Snow ... And Then Tomorrow ...

Random posting-out-loud moment, here. First of all, a quick re-wind in time ... I caught the drama of Friday night's snowfall here in Middle Tennessee when I walked out to my car after hanging with the girls at T.G.I.Friday's (how appropriate!), sipping a Diet Coke while my roommate ate her very late dinner after work.

Big, fat snowflakes floated through the air, and my car was coated in crusty, frozen white stuff. I called it. I really did. I said that we'd get a snow "storm" after the daffodils began popping out of the ground. Bingo! Exactly what happened. Poor daffodils.

I remembered I had recently found my camera again, and it was, at that very moment, sitting on the passenger seat of my car. I grabbed it and snapped a quick picture of the effects of snow on my hair and sweater. Brrrr. See?




So, anyways ... tomorrow. I go back to work and school. I do not want to do either. I have two tests tomorrow, and so far I have only studied for one. (Yes, I know. I shouldn't be blogging right now. Some call it procrastination. I call it protecting my sanity.) As for work, well, it's work. And I'm not feeling very challenged/inspired by it at the moment. But it will get better. Busy season is just around the corner. Soon, I will barely have time to think.

Fortunately, I have this weekend to look forward to. MJ and I are hitting up Chicago. We fly out Thursday night, staying at her parents' house for the weekend, and then have three glorious days to do nothing but soak up culture and local flavors, plus maybe a little live jazz, if I'm lucky. I plan on going to as many tiny independent boutique stores as I can, for inspiration. I had originally pulled MJ into this crazy, impulsive trip because I thought I would attend the Country Living Magazine's Women Entrepreneurs conference. Alas, it was sold out when I called to book my spot. But we're heading to Chi-town, anyway, so the boutiques will have to suffice.

Four days. Four short days, and I will be free again.

NashVegas

So, MJ and I went to Nashville on Saturday in search of a t-shirt we couldn't find. Though we drove away empty handed, we did run across a belligerent street performer, some scary tourists, a man dressed in orange and white checkerboard overalls, and Elvis in a glass display box, dispensing his "hunka hunka burning wisdom" for 50 cents a session.

What Elvis has to do with Nashville is beyond me. They could have at least caged up Johnny Cash or Reba, for goodness sakes.

Mark His Words

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." —Mark Twain

Zoe Eats a Bug

My dog. What a nut.

Once Upon A Time, In a Galaxy Far, Far Away ...

I-24 Hates Rain

I swear, Nashville drivers cannot handle even the THREAT of rain. Overcast, misty days are automatic accident causers. And the ridiculous traffic piles up as drivers slow down to stare at the poor unfortunate, stupid souls stranded on the side of the road next to a car with an accordion for a hood.

Hello!? It's called "leave enough room between you and the car in front of you to stop on a slick road," people!

Grad School, Hockey, Roommates, Life, and God

Well, I got my Economics professor to give us all an extension of time on our due date. He gave us from Friday until Sunday. Then, he gave us until Monday, due to a technical difficulty. I really needed that extension. I've now completed part of 6 out of 10 questions, after having spent about 13-15 hours of work this week alone on the homework. I feel like I can complete at least two more, and add the excel diagrams to the homework before the deadline tomorrow night. But I am worried about the quiz, since I have expended all my energy on the homework, which is on one topic, while the quiz is on another entirely. This is what drives me crazy about that class! It is so scattered ... ahh, but I *do* feel better about it, in the long run this week. That is an improvement, to say the least. I actually learned quite a bit.

On Thursday night, I went to a Predator's game in Nashville and watched with excitement as the game went from BORING to EXCITING, all the way into the anti-climatic shoot-off that gave the game to the Canuck's in the last seconds. There was a fight in the middle of the second period. Blood was on the ice for the rest of the game.

In other news, my roommate and I interviewed another girl today to share the house. We're so used to each other that it will be a little strange to have a third girl around, but we will get used to it. Splitting the utilities will be nice. We'll be able to afford more reliable Internet access than our nice neighbor's free wi-fi access, which is usually a very weak signal.

Speaking of signals, I'm trying to figure out my life ... again. I'm asking God to show me which direction to go. There's been some interesting developments lately that have influenced my perceptions of the present. Work is getting increasingly frustrating as I become more and more adept at doing more in less time. I've essentially worked myself into a corner: I can't grow, and I can't leave. Meanwhile, I've been re-assessing my school situation (is an MBA really the way to go?) and my roommate and I are both questioning whether or not we want to even live in the Nashville area past this year. Jobs in non-health care or educationally related fields are shockingly hard to come by.

Rant

May I just say: I DESPISE MY ECONOMICS CLASS.

Or, more accurately, the homework and quizzes. The general information isn't so bad. But the absolutely RIDICULOUS amount of work and study needed to pass this class is beyond insane. When am I EVER going to use these functions, calculations, and theories? NEVER!

(OK. I'm done now.)

Shall We Dance?

It was a slow movie, but this was the best part:

Quotes From IHOP Tonight

"I know I just ate a waffle, but I kind of want a cheeseburger."

"Hannah Montana is taking over the world, and I'm not okay with that."

"I just got back from Nashville, but we could always go back to Opry Mills and play Whack-a-Mole."

True Friends

-Come over, see your messy house, and don't care.
-Can talk about nothing, and have it mean something.
-Never question your urgent need for dark chocolate or mint chocolate chip ice cream.
-Bring flowers.
-Tell you what to do when you can't decide. And are right.
-Know the importance of a good chick flick fest.
-Tell the truth, even when it hurts.

You know who you are ... thanks!

Winter Wonderland

So, this is a way blurry shot from my little Nokia, but I found these icicles on my mailbox when I got home tonight. Icicles. In Tennessee.

H2O in Flake Form

It snowed, and then it dissapeared.

A Little Life Lesson from Economics

According to the lecture slides from my online Survey of Economic Theory class at MTSU,

People reveal their true preferences by what they do (an action), not by what they say.

Thank you, Dr. Graddy. I'm not sure if you were aware of this or not, but you just made an argument that supports the Bible.

But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. (I John 3:17-18)

Amazing, isn't it, how knowing God enhances our understanding of the way the world works?

Night Owl is Sleepy

I have found myself longing for bed sooner in the evening, lately. This is a little disturbing to me, since I have always been a night owl. I dislike getting up at six o'clock in the morning. I dislike driving an hour to get to work after getting only five or six hours of sleep. I wish I could stay up into the wee hours of the morning doing research online, crafting, collaging, or blogging.

But I can't. I must sleep. Amazing how my brain protests these days when I push it to its limits.

How I Juggle Working Full-time and Being a Full-Time Student

Grad school is hard.

I have questioned myself many times over during this first month of classes. Is this something I really need to be doing? Is the fatigue and stress worth it? Will something good come out of this? I still believe in what I'm doing, but I do admit that it is harder than I ever thought it would be. Add to that the personality conflict of my artist/idealist dreamer personality that is in stark contrast to the give-me-the-facts/numbers-don't-lie hard-edged business world, and I have an interesting dilemma: can I survive business school with my true self intact? I know I'm only doing this for my own reasons, but are they enough to get me through?

I only reduced by work week by 4 hours, so I still am considered a full-time employee. Since I am limited as a graduate student to 12 credit hours per semester, I thought I was taking it easy. After all, as an undergraduate, I took a minimum of 15 credits per semester and worked in at least one part-time job on the side.

Little did I know. Those 12 hours are pushing me to the limits of my strength. Only six of my hours are graduate-level, and they are online classes (Business Report Writing and Survey of Economic Theory). The two evening classes I take (Legal Environment of Business and Survey of Accounting for General Business) are undergraduate, but equally time-consuming.

As one of my coworkers pointed out, I live two, if not three separate lives all at once. There is my work life, my student life, and my personal life. All three lives require an investment of time, energy, and emotional strength. My brain is being over-clocked! No wonder I crash into my bed and groan when the alarm goes off each morning.

Resenting the time my homework and studying consumes is a new emotion for me. To apply a theory from my Economics course, the opportunity cost of my schooling is the time I get to sleep and/or be with the people I care about. It's a steep price to pay. I have a decision to make each evening when I get home from work: do I crash and watch TV for an hour or two, call a friend to chat, clean house, or study. If I choose any one of those options, then all of the others is neglected. It does not make for a very balanced existence.

Granted, I can use the accounting and business report writing classes, in particular, to further my career or use in any business I choose to start. They are tangible talents. Knowing my way around accounts receivable and unearned business revenue or being able to whip out a professional marketing proposal in a flash will, inevitably, be good for me. Meanwhile, having a basic knowledge of the legal environment is inarguably beneficial, and knowing the economic principles behind business decisions is equally useful. If I can just get through the semester with decent grades, I will happy. Yet, I still wonder, at what cost am I getting this education? Will it truly provide for me three or four years from now, when I am approaching banks for a small business loan, or applying for marketing director positions at mid-sized firms?

Time will tell. In the meantime, I am doing a lot of praying!

I'm a Mutant

Well, science has finally proven what I already knew: I'm a mutant.

I'm not sure what this all means for my gray-blue eyes, but supposedly all people with blue eyes can be traced back to a single mutation of pigment in the iris.

Of course, I know that I have only two ancestors, anyways, so no big shocker there. But I wonder which son of Adam or daughter of Eve was the first to develop this distinctive trait of all fellow blue-eyed mutants of the world?

More Wal-Mart Atrocities

Two shirts in one. What a brilliant idea. I NEVER can find that silly white button-down top when I need it. Now I'll never have to look again! It's a twop! TWO-tOP! No adjusting the sleeves to poke out just so from under my sweater. Maybe it's a swop! SWeater tOP.

Whatever it is, it should never have happened.

I'll bet it was made in China!

Cheap Flights

Skybus has just released their new $10 flights for summer. Check it out!

They only have ten $10 seats per flight, which sell out incredibly quickly, and they only fly to smaller airports, so you might have to book a couple of round-about flights to show up at your desired destination, but it is well worth it.

I plan on trying to get in at least one just-for-the-fun of it trip this year for $50 or less.

Apple Has Done It Again

Not only am I once again entranced by a product release (Mac Fan, here! Want an Air Book!), I am also once again entranced by the music behind the ad.

Yael Naim, whom I think I actually heard of BEFORE the ad (vaguely remember reading something about an up-and-coming Israelian who sings in Hebrew, French, and English), is featured in the lightweight laptop's introduction to the world. I looked her up and loved this video. It's so charming, upbeat, and sweet. What's not to like?

Darling, Do You Love Me?

Prove it. Buy me an over-sized Teddy Bear from China holding a pink satin heart with a ridiculous amount a lace and poorly stitched words of endearment.


Try Wal-Mart. It'll make me even happier that you got a deal! Go to the front of the store and find these cheerful guys all lined up by the checkouts with care, in hopes that St. Valentine soon will be there ...

The SNL folks would be sooooo proud!

from the top, now ...

I choose to hope. I choose to believe. I choose to dream.

Stay tuned.

from a bemused mind, despite the ill body

One benefit of being sick is that it forces your small, aching brain to focus on one thing at a time. Like, the urgent need to make chocolate pudding, or read a book, or browse through magazines you've stored away for obviously important reasons that you've now forgotten, or listen to random why-on-earth-do-I-have-this-electronica-song tracks TWICE on iTunes, just because.

You also get to think. A lot. Even though it hurts.

For instance, I keep thinking about making collages and mixed media assemblages and 3-D art from randomness that I find in my ever-so-random world. Which reminds me. I missed this month's flea market at the Tennessee Fairgrounds. Shame. I alway find great ephemera there, along with buttons that old men are practically ready to throw away because they mean nothing to them. Once, I scored some wonderful purple glass bottles. I need to put them up somewhere in the sun sometime soon. Really.

I also need to try my hand at letterpress for once. My school actually has a class. The problem is that the class is in the daytime. I work in the daytime.

Then there's this nagging desire to start my own business. What business? Well, three years ago, I would have said stationery (has it been three years already? How time flies!). Now, I say I don't know. I just want it to be mine. And I want to make just enough money to pay for the bills and a little extra and finance all the international travels I'd like to make. Don't get me wrong: stationery is great. I love stationery. I am so happy for all my Paperpreneur friends who went on to stationery greatness while I lagged behind.

And writing. Can't forget that. The one thing I can do to make something from nothing and possibly collect a profit from my efforts. Why I don't pursue it more than I do here is a mystery to me. It's only the one lifelong obsession I've had.

Oddly enough, I'm not restless, like I've been in other years in which I've posted my heart on my ... blog. I'm actually doing something proactive. (Going back to school, that is.) On Monday nights I suffer through a business law class. On Tuesday nights I am actually astonished to find that I ENJOY accounting (so far, anyway). This bodes well for running my own show one day. On Sundays, I meet with 4-6 other grad students to study for an Economics course, that, despite being the death of me and a constant source of mathematical frustration, is still fascinating stuff. And in between all this, I cram in some Business Report Writing homework time and upload homework.

Am I crazy? Maybe. Okay, more than likely. But, despite this miserable flu, I'm actually happy. Next, I'll join some student networking organizations, and, once my head is back to its normal self, I'll sit down and figure out ways to meet other business women who can help mentor me in my endeavors.

I'll also start crafting again. Collage has definitely attracted me. I think I have found my personal artistic medium at last. Maybe I'll sell some stuff on Etsy. That would be a step in the right direction. And maybe I'll write about it and see if a publication bites.

Ah, the hopes and plans of an influenza-riddled brain.

The Cons of Going to School

#3 No more free time
#2 Feeling old sitting next to 18-20 year olds
#1 Catching the latest flu bug and being laid low for an entire week

Yep, it's all happened.

Just lovely.

A New Way to Brainstorm

"I'm going to church in my head, y'all." –Me

We were coming up with product names for a piece of religious jewelry. I was trying to come up with words I associated with the idea. That is what came out. It ended up on the white board in the conference room, in quotes.

Incidentally, I'm not fond of the current culture of "Christian" products that so saturate the market. It makes me feel like the true meaning behind it all has lost some of its sacredness and mystery.

Things That Should Never Have Happened

This image is brought to you by the good people of Cracker Barrel. I found them sitting on a display full of similar items. I don't know what is scarier ... that people actually buy these horrific saccharine creatures of pastel ceramic, or that they exist in the first place.

My Nashville, Part I

Sunset on the "Batman" tower (at&t) from the alley.

Textures from Nolensville Pike. Subway parking lot.

how to ruin somebody's otherwise perfectly fine day

File this post under sub-category: "Vent of the Day"

Thoughtless managerial dismissals and elitist ambiguity lead to the propagation of the ordinary.

a.k.a.

Please Adjust Your Tunnelvision Immediately. There's a World of Alternate Channels Out There That You Just Can't See Through The Snow.

so true Q O'D

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

-Albert Einstein

At the Office

I got bored. It was fun.

'Nuff said.

Panera Laptop Party!

Whoo-hoo! Melinda J, two laptops, 4+ hours, and a restaurant with FREE wi-fi!

From a Recent Collage Project

Elliott & Morgen - January 5, 2008

So, two of my favorite stubborn people got married to each other on Saturday. As with any wedding, it had its miniature disasters (now I have a KT Tunstall song in my head!), but it was beautiful and joyful all the same. And now, they are off skiing on some excruciatingly high mountain somewhere for the next week.

Cheers!

So, where are my keys?

First day of the new year, and I've already lost my keys.

Little Miss Smarty Pants

What does one do when experiencing the longest, most uneventful, most boring day in your work history?

Why, take an online IQ test, of course. I scored 130, aka "Gifted."

Mensa won't be calling anytime soon (Their cutoff is 132), but then, according to the "test" I took, I'm still in the 97.5 percentile of the population, brain-wise. Not too shabby.

Moving Forward

I got my "Welcome Grad Student" letter from MTSU today. That was quick, considering it was only Thursday afternoon when I took a half day to go and push myself through all the red tape. I've registered for 3 classes ... need to find one more to go ahead and select.

In two weeks, Elliott and Morgen are getting married! I've been looking for an appropriate dress to wear. Man, that's hard to do. However, I did go today and got a much-needed haircut and I changed up my hair color while I was at it. The blondish highlights from the summer were getting old.

So I took a goofy pix of myself with my phone ... in case you were wondering what I look like now. ;^)

Stressed?

Go plant a virtual flower garden. It's oddly soothing and a little bit addictive. I couldn't stop until my garden was a field of wildflowers ...

It's Official!

For those of you who haven't heard ... my bosses have all OK'd my taking grad school classes while working at the agency. I'm taking a half day sometime next week to take care of all the administration stuff at MTSU. Now, I just need to get a Pipeline account so I can register, and my financial aid has to go through, and I need my classes to fit around my work schedule so that I am not reducing my hours by too much.

I'm too excited for words right now!!!

My Favorite Christmas Song This Year

When I first heard this song, I teared up a little bit. It really hit me the truth they are singing about ... I hope it blesses you, too, and I hope you have a chance to hear the beautiful music on your own ...

How Many Kings?
by Downhere


Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger

Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we’ve waited for?

'Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
(It’s who we’ve waited for)

How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me

All for me
All for you
All for me
All for you

OK Folks, It's Officially Christmas!

The tree is up. The lights are on.

And, even better? My bedroom is almost set up. Crystal helped me put my bed on its frame at last, and I rearranged, and it looks so cute and grown up in there.

Ah, inspiration.

And now? Bedtime. I'm pooped.

For Elliott

Christmas Party '07

Have a mentioned how fabulous my friends are? Dave can rock a tacky Christmas sweater, Jackie knows the three nutrients plants need to survive, MJ has tons of self-esteem, Ricky listens to the married men and got the gift his fiancee asked for ... PLUS he accessorizes with ease by turning leftover Easter Eggs into a fashionable bracelet, Rachel makes heaven-flavored pineapple dip, Karen is devious, DEVIOUS I tell you (pig's feet! disgusting!), John is (almost) smarter than a 5th grader, Crystal walked my dog when I was cooking, Ali cracks me up (the pinwheel/Easter Egg re-gift? GENIUS!), and ... if I haven't mentioned the others, it's only because there is simply to much to write.

What a great Christmas Party.

A Few More Baby Steps!

My friends, you who know me well know of my life goals.

Well, I am two steps closer to achieving one today. Yesterday, I took the first. Today, I took the second. Hopefully soon, I will take the third and fourth steps, and then I will be on the brink of walking into my new future.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have to be a little secretive, but it's terribly exciting. You should ask me about it!

Melinda J + Franklin + Antiques + Christmas Shopping = GOOD TIMES!

Oh what fun it is to shop on warm December day ...

Melinda J and I hit up downtown Franklin for some girl's day out fun on Saturday. We've both decided to skip the mall scene and do all our shopping at small boutiques and online. We both scored some finds, but half the fun was the people we met and the odd antiques that cracked us up.

We met several babies who LOVE Melinda. Love her. They smile and coo and make funny faces whenever she walks by. It's like magic. We also met a fabulous lady from Austria who owned a shop in the Factory at Franklin. We met a lady who was telling a friend how she had scolded Miley Cyrus in Target for walking around without shoes on (only in Franklin! Oh how Nashvillians love their celebrity sitings ...), and we met an adorable older shop keeper who was wearing an oh-so-fashionable jacket and just beamed when we told her it looked great on her. We met a three year-old who tried to practice his kung fu skills on us with his beads for the Christmas parade.

So, here's what we took pictures of:

1) A real bronzed Adonis. Who wouldn't want this "antique" Greek god
to display hats and scarves so handsomely? (I laughed until my sides hurt and
I cried when I turned the corner and found this fella in an antique store).

2) A hat. Yes, this is a hat. Not a flower pot filled with silk flowers.

3) A ... I'm not even sure what to call this. But it's "antique" too.

Good times. Good times.

I'm Supposed to be Cleaning Right Now

But I'm not. 'Cause I'm tired. Okay, in just a few minutes I will do my laundry, wash the dishes, and unpack some more boxes. I also need to prop my bed up on its frame, instead of it being directly on the floor like it is now.

Tomorrow is the first non-crazy work day. I wonder what I'm going to do, outside of prep image files of the catalog pages for use in websites. When the web guy and I get done doing that ... I am not sure WHAT I'll do.

But that's tomorrow. For now, I'm sitting on my bed and being lazy. Huh? What's that. Ummm ... the answer to that smart-alec question is, "because I can."

Feed the Hungry. Feed Your Mind.

Amazing. For every word you get right in this fun, educational, self-paced vocabulary quiz, a sponsoring company donates 10 grains of rice. Not that much, perhaps, but keep playing and you've filled a bowl, and added new words to your everyday life!

WE'RE DONE!!!!!

The last catalog just went out the doors to the printer about 30 minutes ago. I'm FREEEEEE!

And now ... only 9 months until our next ones begin to print.

And We're Slowin' Down

Well, as is the normal way for the company where I work, we have gone from mind-numblingly slammed to almost (but not quite yet) mind-numbingly slow. Actually, I was working at a normal pace today, which to me felt like I was going at the speed of a tortoise. I'm going home at 5 o'clock on the dot on a MONDAY.

This is cause for some serious celebration.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

After three long months. Wait. Is it November already? Make that FOUR long months, the busy season is finally winding down at the catalog company. Now it's panic time as we MUST have those lovely catalogs sent to their appropriate areas of the nation no later than Christmas. Factor in printing and binding and ink-jetting addresses and shipping and mailing and delivery times.

Yeah, we're pretty much going insane right now.

It's been a weird insane this week. Slow all morning, busy after lunch, and slammed by 4 o'clock, just in time to remind me I'm still not my own woman, I still don't get to go home and have a life, and I still have to stay past 5 or 6 or 7 to get it done. I'm not whining, am I? Why would I do that? I've only given my company 1/3 of my year.

And then, by Christmas, we'll be so bored out of our minds that I will beg for work to do.
Somebody please remind me to slow down and take the time to fill out my FAFSA before this month is over?

And to my dear, patient friends and family, I promise I'll hang out more again. Ali, I might actually make it to one of your hang-out-after-Sunday-night-church times at your place. Melinda_J, we should most definitely do another Starbucks, conversation, and prayer night. Crystal, you've seen me through most of this and bossed me lovingly back into sanity. THANK YOU! John and Aaron ... thanks for the laughs. Those wigs at the Murder Mystery were AWESOME! Mom (yes, I know you read this), I'll be home by this time next week. I LOVE YOU! And don't stress out over Thanksgiving. I'll help as much as possible, so you can rest and recoup.

So, guess what, everyone? Fun, not-so-stressed me is about to return! Hooray! (Who knew diamond rings, pearl necklaces, and extravagant bangles could be so exhausting?)

Talex is a really BAD breakdancer!

So, I totally tried to bust a move tonight at the 80's Murder Mystery Dinner Party, but I kept falling asleep, so it didn't work out that well. My boyfriend, Shaggy-Goo Oxide, was jealous that Moe Jontana was so interested in me and my dancing. I swear, I was only talking to Moe because he knew Hollywood agents he could introduce me to.

Anyways, when Moe turned up dead, and I was found asleep not too far away, people thought I had done it. Even I thought I had done it. But I didn't murder Moe. It was that silly Samantha Pinkman. The Rubiks' cube gave it away, but still nobody accused her of it. Huh.

Well, after the perfectly marvelous murder during Maqua-Net's Hair Aid fundraiser, Jeven, Patty, Gladdona, and myself went out to grab a bite at everybody's favorite late-night place to crash ... IHOP. Patty's tulle skirt and Jeven's hair band 'do had people staring and even laughing. I, in my leg warmers, tights, cut-off sweatshirt and teased hair, looked fairly normal compared to those two. It was very amusing.

See why I love my friends? We can do crazy stuff like that, even though we're all twenty or thirtysomethings (some of us are even fortysomethings).

The only bummer was that I couldn't find my digital camera because of the move, so I have to rely on other people's pictures in order to have memories of the night. I wanted to show you my fab outfit!

C'est Moi

I am about to enter the insanity for my 3rd year of relentless typing and frenzied plotting. I will not plot until Wednesday, I think. But I do intend to make a fun image this year that promotes my WIP (work-in-progress).

It's Just Really Expensive Carbon

The insanity continues. FYI, I will never, ever wear this junk I put in the catalogs. Guys? Are you listening? A $450,000 ring will not make me happy. Just get flowers. Or buy me a subscription to Writer's Digest or something. Much cheaper, more useful, and a lot more my style. (Now, if you can AFFORD a $450,000 ring, that is impressive. But please, avoid the urge to splurge.)

Friday, At Last

Well, it was a crazy week. Melinda_J asked me how much longer the catalog season is supposed to last, and I figured it at right around eight more weeks.

Eight weeks of continuous insanity. Eight weeks of frantic activity. Eight weeks of "Wait! Is that custom vendor page approved in that catalog? Don't send it to press yet!" Eight weeks of answering endless accusatory questions from marketing directors in various NYC offices who have chips on their shoulders the size of Manhattan and the personalities of runway models on steroids who have taken lessons in charm from Al Gore (side note: do not ever attend a lecture on any topic if Al Gore is the speaker if you don't need a long nap. I learned this lesson the hard way back in college when I attended his special lecture on Freedom of the Press, only to hear a rambling tale of why it was just a rumor that he and Tipper were buying out Denny's).

So, now it is 4:49pm Central Time, and I am counting down the minutes until I am free. Of course, that freedom is short-lived. I have to be in again tomorrow.


Overtime. Overtime. Overtime. The mantra by which I survive my seemingly never-ending 6-day work weeks.

Too Bad

Random Thoughts on My Life:

-It stinks that that had to happen, but it will make me stronger.
-I will be the office superwoman if I pull it off.
-Somebody give me a "Most Patient Woman Alive" award for this.
-I'm gonna kick it into gear this weekend. January will bring more than just another new year.

A Day Late for the Environment

Yesterday was Blog Action Day. I was supposed to have participated, in a worldwide blog event supporting the environment.

And I forgot.

Actually, I didn't forget; I was too busy. It sprang to mind during my commute both ways from work (in which I didn't carpool), and then I just didn't have time either before or after business hours to blog away. I was just preoccupied with printing out pages to proof at work, using electricity to keep me going, eating food that was pre-packaged, and throwing out my trash.

When I was on the way home, I went to Wal-Mart and bought snack food that I carried out of the store in plastic bags.

In short: I didn't reuse, reduce, or recycle a single thing.

It's funny how easy it is to be a wasteful, planet-harming consumer. It's all about MY convenience, MY needs, and MY desires. How selfish of ME! I don't stop to think about how the chemicals I pour down the drain (paint, nail polish remover, bleach, any cleaner) affect my fellow community members. I don't think about how much I rely on plastic to get through my day, or how that plastic is made. I don't even concern myself that much with the exhaust coming out of my car. And yet I wonder why so many people (my mother included) get cancer, or have severe allergies, or come down with a headache. Shame on me. Shame on us all.

Sometimes Christians shudder at the thought of PETA or the Sierra Club and how they place animals and vegetables above Humans.

But, let me ask you this: what was man's first job? Taking care of God's creation! (Genesis 1, if I need to remind you). It's not just a silly, liberal conspiracy started by Al Gore; it's reality. We have trashed our world.

It's time to wake up, accept responsibility, and start tending the garden!

May I Move in Now?

Ohhhh ....

Dad finished painting my room today and installed my curtain rod. After I received the "all clear" from him, I sat down in the middle of the floor and just absorbed how nice it was to have walls that weren't apartment beige.

I chose a mid-tone gray with a hint of blue in it. Against the white trim and doors it looks very elegant. My parents had been skeptical, but even they acknowledged it looked good, much to their surprise. I can't wait until this coming weekend, when I'll bring in my furniture and hang the sheers.

It is so weird to be moving BACK into the house I had shared with my brother. This time, however, there won't be any motorcycle helmets hanging out on the kitchen counter, or dirty work boots chilling by the coffee table, or random college friends wandering in and out for Halo parties until the wee hours of the morning. LOL.

I'm also excited about my appliances. Oh, how I have missed those appliances! The stove has the flat surface burners (or "eyes" as they're called in Tennessee), the microwave is mounted above the stove, and the refrigerator is nice and big and has the freezer on the bottom, so you don't have to stoop to take the milk off the bottom shelf. My new roommate and I both love to cook, but we hate to cook for just ourselves ... so I anticipate many yummy meals in the near future, now that there will be two of us eating there. I'll break out my stellar mac n' cheese, or a hearty lentil soup, and she'll wow me with artichokes and chicken and pasta. I'm already looking forward to entertaining in our place. We will host dinner parties, if anyone is interested in coming and enjoying the fruits of our labor ... and I always have that St. Patty's day event ... and after church lunches could be arranged, with enough begging ... :)

And we have a dining room table. A real dining room, with a real table and chairs.

If God would just work it out for me to work in Murfreesboro, instead of Nashville, my dream of living and thriving in a community will come true. This is because my roommate and I have all but shaken hands on a pact: no moving until we are either married or my parents decide to sell the house. We are both sick and tired of moving. And do you blame us? I mean, I myself have only moved ... let's see ... well this move will make it SEVEN times since 2004. It's getting old.

Job Security :)

So, I got a big thumbs up from the owner of yesterday's retail store that we were trying to get the catalog to press for. It didn't happen, but it turns out the deadline was backed-up by him so that everything would be ready by next week.

He told me on the phone that I had been wonderful, and then (here's the BEST part) he called and told my boss, as well, who later came by and said that the retailer had "sung my praises."

I guess I did good.

:)

Mountain Moving

Today I worked on a target catalog.

By this I mean that it is supposed to be printed and ready to go in an insertion order by next Wednesday. This makes it my number one priority, because in order to get there by then it should have printed ... yesterday.

From 11am until 6pm, I was typing and clicking and answering the phone as fast as I could. The owner of the retail store was calling me, giving me updates on his own efforts. His son was in on the deal, too. I called the president of our company in an a couple issues. Our entire team was focused on getting that catalog, and that catalog alone, ready to go to press and 100% signed off on. As soon as changes came in from the vendors featured in their pages, I would forward it to our art director or retoucher, and then trot down the aisle to follow up and either explain or oversee the changes. Once made, I would make a pdf and whip it right back to the marketing person on the other side, all the while answering e-mails, making phone calls, and occasionally checking my own personal e-mail to see how the ongoing "conversation" between myself and some friends planning a Murder Mystery Dinner night was going.

I still don't have approval on a few pages from different vendors whose merchandise is featured in the retailer's catalog, so I a have to send urgent e-mails, and make last minute phone calls, and sic my boss on the non-responsive ones!

I had 5 companies I was working on getting copy and approvals from today. I got copy from 4, and approvals from 3, and I should see the final fruit of my labor in the morning, when the Advertising & Marketing director of a Big Company has promised to have an approval of the layout and copy waiting for me from their Merchandising department.

So, tomorrow at noon we send the files to the printer. They will burn the plates, load the presses, and get that baby off to the mailing house ASAP, and I will desperately wish for some down time to relax, but will instead IMMEDIATELY begin working just as hard on the next one. Back to moving mountains. I have to admit, my adrenaline starts pumping hard a few hours before deadline. My mind clears, and my actions are all focused on that one task ahead of me: get the catalog approved. But once that file is off to the printer and out of our hands? I wilt. The adrenaline is gone. The fatigue sets in. Suddenly, I long for my bed and a good book.

Incidentally, the Murder Mystery Dinner night is going to be fantastic. Now that we've all rehashed the stories the last time we did one, I'm psyched to find out who my character is and plan my costume and have a blast.

I might even post pictures!

Red Wrists

I showed a coworker my red ink-bespeckled arms from where I have rested on my To-Do list and the pages I'm correcting. Hazard of the job, I guess. I've had spots there for 2-3 days now, and simply cannot get them out. They look suspicious—at first glance, it could be taken as blood spots on my wrists.

She just laughed. "No! Don't do it!" she said in mock horror. "It isn't worth it! It's just a catalog!"

Yeah, but there's 98 more ... and less than 60 days ...

LOL!

How I Spent My Sunday Afternoon

Cake decorating can be frustrating, but ultimately very rewarding ...

The Escape

This is what I drove while my car was getting fixed.

I'm not a huge Ford fan, or that much of an SUV fan, for that matter ... but, let me tell you, this baby was fun to drive! I actually miss it!

I'm Too Young for This

My brother is getting married. Did I mention that? Yeah, so the middle one, the one 3 1/2 years younger than moi, is getting married. I'm very excited for him, but I still feel a bit astonished that he, of all people, has found Ms. Right already! And I do mean Right. He really couldn't have special ordered a better match. My future sister-in-law is feisty, sporty, level-headed, frugal, down-to-earth,and head over heals for him. Who could ask for more?

I have to buy plane tickets before they get too pricey. If anyone hears of great deals from Nashville to Connecticut, let me know.

So, because I love 'em both, I'm showing them off. Cheers to you two!

(Pictures from the engagement party I threw for them last week.)

Just Because

I'm feeling good today. Mom's doing better, my car is getting fixed (at no cost to me), and I've had contact with good friends and encouraging people lately.

Couldn't ask for more, really.

*looking up at the sky*

Thanks, God. I needed that.

I Know Who I Am - Do You Know Who You Are?

For all the days when I wonder what the point is, or why I'm here, or whether anyone cares, or if I just feel let down, or sad, or lonely ... I need to come back to this post and remember who I am. (Thanks to Melinda J for letting me copy her! And thanks to the encourager who put this together in the first place!)

I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt. 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16).
I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).
I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1).
I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven (Col. 1:14).
I have been adopted as Gods child (Eph 1:5)


I belong to God
Do you know who you are?

Hello, Friends

I love this picture. :)

No, Yes, Maybe

Person: No
Place: Yes
Thing: Maybe Soon.
Idea: Wait. What was I talking about?

So I Got Rear-ended Last Night

THAT was fun.

Just some paint damage, and maybe my bumper has separated from my tail light a bit. Nothing major to the car. I think I got hit by a girl going maybe 10-15 MPH. Not much.

I did scream in surprise, because the impact threw my face into the visor, but it felt like the steering wheel and I thought I'd be bruised this morning. Today, my shoulder (from the seatbelt), neck, and back are sore and stiff and feel a bit ... loose between the bones.

Still trying to figure out if I should go to the doctor like a stupid hypochondriac or not. I just don't want to be held responsible for the cost of fixing me up. Really, a chiropractor is what I need.

And a good nap. I still feel shaken, like my emotions aren't quite back in place. If anyone crosses me, I might just cry. Shock waves. That's what I chalk it up to.

yes or no?

Two words that can change a life.

I am hoping for yes and worrying about no. The strange thing is, this statement is applicable to an infinite number of levels in my life. I am waiting for positive answers about a person, a place, a thing, and an idea.

I feel like I should be standing beside Vanna and Pat. (May I buy a vowel?)

When I Grow Up

I want to live in a real house with a real dining room and a real dining room table and an extra bathroom just for guests. I want to clean my kitchen and have that be my job and not my headache. I want to dust just for the fun of it.

I want to hang out on the back porch and enjoy my yard. I want to have somebody plant beautiful gardens around the house, but they'll have to take care of them, too, because I don't have a green thumb on either hand. Not even a green pinky. I kill plants, so as a rule I avoid contact with them—I love flowers too much to see them needlessly die!

I want to cook and have people eat what I cook. I want to drive to the grocery store in the middle of the afternoon and shop when the lines are short.

Wouldn't that be grand? To just LIVE?

I remember

The eleventh day of September.

This day, six years ago, I was driving to my biology lab early in the morning and overheard commentators on the radio deliberating if Nashville was adequately prepared for an attack. I thought it was a role-play show. Or an advertisement for some political figure. And then the radio announcer said "... this just in ... a second plane has hit the Towers."

And I realized it was all for real.

We all stood around the televisions that day, at MTSU. Like moths to a bug lamp, we were drawn to the terror and couldn't look away as the horrific images flashed before our eyes. After seeing the figures of people dropping through the air, and the clouds of smoke, and the collapsing of uncollapsible steel and glass, we were numb. What had happened? How had it happened? And WHY? I still don't understand.

Thinking back and forward

Oh, to be this little girl again. To have a messy room be the worst of my problems. To be fed, and cared for, and housed, and loved just for being me.

They never tell you how complicated being a grown-up is.

My Favorite Beach Bums

You make me happy! Destin '07 was a weekend to remember.

Now, this sounds familiar ...

Might be moving again. No, let me rephrase that: I might be moving AGAIN. This blog really ought to be called "Ruby Red is a Gypsy.

The townhouse hasn't sold yet. Five months after I moved out, and it is still sitting on the market, despite having been reduced in price twice. So, since all of our leases are up in October, myself, my roommate, and a mutual friend are considering moving BACK into the house. Well, back for me. It will be new to them. They were pretty excited about the house. I mean, after all, it is a HOUSE, not an apartment. We got into discussions about colors and room delegations, and when to get patio furniture. It has yet to be determined if we go any further than just discussing. We have to decide soon though. We have to give 30 day notice if we aren't going to be in our apartments. That only gives us about two weeks to make the final decision.

In other news, I'm still up in the air about grad school. I really need to take a half day sometime soon and hand carry over my transcripts, if I can. If not, I have to order them. Really, I should have done that already, but I didn't. If it weren't for the money/debt payment/car payment issues, there wouldn't be any flip-flopping in my mind. I want to go to business school. It just costs a lot of money. Money that I'm not sure I can afford right now. That being said, if I graduate and am unable to start my own business right off the bat, I could qualify for positions paying at least double what I make now. Double sounds good. Double sounds VERY good.

So, this post is more like a journal entry than usual. My own personal "to do" list.

Hop to it, girl.

I just walked out of Best Buy and into the 21st Century

I bought a laptop. Or, more correctly, I owe Best Buy $713 towards said laptop.

I am currently sitting in Panera and rejoicing that I no longer have to get up super early just to be able to get to work and sneak in some personal computing time. Woo hoo! Hopefully, my blogging will be more frequent, and I'll be able to once again have fun on sites like my favorite forums and blogs ... without shame. ;)

Still getting used to this keyboard, though. It's an HP, not an Apple, and it's a laptop, not a traditional keyboard. The shift key is too small! I keep hitting enter, instead of SHIFT.

LOL.

Oh, this is too much fun!

Long Live The King

This afternoon, I don't know why, I began to hum the tune to this song in my mind. Over and over, particular phrases of the melody repeated themselves. Finally, I pulled out my earbuds and turned on my iTunes and listened to the song in its entirety.

While the melody caught my ear, the lyrics, I discovered, had caught my heart. It spoke to me in the weariness and exhaustion of the day to day, the pain and worry of my mother's battle with cancer, and the joy I find in knowing I am held where nothing can harm me, in the palm of His hand. This song is the prayer of my life, at the moment.

Enjoy.


***NOTE: I found Aaron's own lyric notes with references he listed line by line. Even more powerful! ***

"Long Live The King"
From: Whispered and Shouted
Artist: Aaron Shust

My heat keeps beating even though I can’t control it
My lungs keep breathing; I admit I don’t know how [Job 14:5]
Bring the flood or bring the fire in this lifetime
I’m ready for the altar or the plough [Luke 22:31-34]

There are always days when I don’t feel like singing
There are always days when I don’t care at all [Psalm 42]
But I know the King of All Creation reigns completely
Over every moment great and small

Long live the One who gives us
Life and peace and hope for tomorrow [Jeremiah 29:11]
You’ve given everything we needed
From the palm of Your hand [Hebrews 1:3]
I’ll give my life to the One
Who pledged to cancel my sorrow [Revelation 21:4]
All I have is Yours Long Live the King [Revelation 19:15-17]

Humbly we approach Your throne of Mercy [Esther 4:11]
Aware that we’re unworthy of Your Grace [Romans 3:23]
But You have offered pardon and forgiveness [Esther 5:2]
Grievances are gone without a trace [Psalm 103:12]

You restore our lives even though we don’t deserve it
And You’ve given us a love that’s not our own [I John 4:7]
You assemble all our broken, shattered pieces
More beautiful than I had ever known [Colossians 1:18-20]

You shall reign forever and ever
You shall reign, You shall reign
Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever [Revelation 11:15]

Q O' D

"If you don't see me here, I'm at the beach!"

-Ruby Red

I Need Destin

Oh, how I need the soothing sound of the ocean, accompanied by several days of nothing but down time. My body is exhausted. My mind is exhausted. My heart is burdenend. My soul is weary.

Ironically, despite all of those things, I really am in a good place. I am just so ... tired. I've been pushing myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically for a couple of months now, and it is really starting to show. In some ways, this is a blessing! I've been more consistent with my walk with the Lord, I've seen good friends turn into amazing sister-friends, I've taken on more responsibilities at work, I've lost a little weight, and I've stepped outside of my comfort zone.

Now, I just need to "be still and know" for awhile. Just a little while. Just enough to reboot, recharge, renew.

For the space of five days, no wondering "what ever happened to him?", no hearing answering the "you have a call on 101" pages, no worrying about the client who likes to ask me "well, why can't you do that? It's so simple. Let me talk to your designer. I can tell them what to do," and no 45-minute commuting!

*sigh*

This Stinks

I woke up at 4:30am today and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I did what any normal girl would do. I got up.

And went to work.

Barely 6:15, and I'm sitting in my cubicle. How pathetic is that?

Q O' D

(Quote of the Day)

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

-Thomas Edison

-----
Every day at work, I put a new quote up on my whiteboard that faces the hallway. It's become expected of me ... if my coworkers don't see a new one, they ask me when I'm going to put it up. This is today's. I really like it!

Dissapointment

Things I don't want to happen, do, and things I do want to happen, don't.

That's life.

One Week Until Destin!!!

I just realized that, as of today, I have only one week until my friends and I leave for Destin, FL over Labor Day weekend. Having not been to the ocean since I was 18 (nine years ago, but who's counting?), I am very, very excited.

We are packing up the van next Thursday evening after work and heading out into the night. We plan on arriving Friday morning, crashing for a few hours to catch up on whatever sleep we didn't get while on the road, and then relaxing at the condo or on the beach for the rest of the weekend.

We're all pretty laid back, so I don't think we'll do much site-seeing. The primary purpose of the trip is to be a Bible study retreat for my church's singles' group, but we'll probably also watch some movies, play board games, and eat out a few times. I do believe dominos will be involved at one point or another. Trust me—with my friends, that alone will take HOURS. We take our dominos seriously.

Now to go make my packing list ...

Water is Viscous

Viscosity.

What a great word. It's fun to say, and it's even scientific! I love viscosity, don't you? It is so tenacious ... yet another great word. Water clinging to water. Molecules acting as a single unit that flows and pours and molds itself into whatever container it occupies. It never holds back.

I'm not sure, but I think there might be a metaphor for life in that.

31 Things That Make Me Happy

1. Blank composition notebooks
2. Genuine compliments
3. Checking off my "To Do" list check boxes
4. Odd year ages (17, 21, 25, and 27 were all good)
5. Extra Fine tipped COLOR Sharpies
6. Expensive brands of water and their classy bottles (Currently, I'm drinking "G Beneath the Rainbow" from Scotland. Its bottle is absolutely scrumptious, and award-winning to boot)
7. Guys that wear screen-printed t-shirts under sport coats and with jeans.
8. Jane Austen--nuff' said.
9. Dark chocolates from an independent gourmet chocolatier
10. The smell of a book store
11. 6am Starbucks runs for Grande Caramel Lattes before work
12. Purse shopping
13. SEPHORA stores
14. The sounds of a rain storm
15. Walking my dog
16. Boating on a lake
17. iTunes
18. Dad hugs
19. Text messages from friends during work hours
20. Flip flops
21. Air conditioning in my "new" car
22. Flying
23. Random quotations
24. Sitting by a babbling brook with my eyes closed and just ... listening.
25. Automatic car washes
26. Children's laughter
27. Flea Market antiques
28. Pedicures!
29. Sunshine and a breeze
30. A job well done
31. New friends

2 Posts, 1 Day, 4 Real

After two months of nothingness, writing two posts in one day seems excessive, but somehow I don't care because somehow I have this incredibly complex universe of thoughts flying around in my head at the speed of, well, thought. Which means I'm pondering things again. Which means I have a lot to figure out. Which means I'll probably have enough to say to fill up way more than a mere two posts per day.

So, there.

Life has this wonderful way of creeping up on me and then jumping out from behind the nearest bush while yelling, "BOO!" Aaa! I didn't see you there, Life. Where ya been?

I've been focusing all of my energy on the upkeep of relationships lately, and it has begun to drain me. I've been tired--more tired than I should be, actually. I am not saying I will for one second stop focusing my attention on the wonderful people around me. I am only saying that I have had to stop and take a few deep breaths and say a few deep prayers in order to have the strength to recharge. It's like I have batteries that have been drained, and my system has sloooowwwwwwed down in order to conserve energy.

What's been going on in the lives of people I care about for the past few months? Break-ups. Make-ups. Birthdays. Job hunts. House hunts. Engagements. Weddings. Family trips. Phone tag. Chemo treatments. Births. Spritual awakenings. Heartaches. Tests. Car troubles. Money troubles. Work troubles. Girl/Guy troubles. In other words: LIFE.

Rain

What a blessing! It finally rained last night here in Middle Tennessee. I wish it would rain more ... our poor crops and fields and lawns are thirsty.

I was outside walking my dog as the lightening approached from the distance. There's something exhilarating about feeling the wind pick up, seeing the flashes of bold, white light, and hearing the low rumble of thunder grumbling as it approaches. The air seems crisper and I always feel more aware of the enormity of the Earth and, in a small way, the awe of knowing that God has formed nature to do amazing things, from the cellular to the universal level. Every little part works together to form a whole that is, quite simply, incomprehensible.

That's a lot to ponder from just a few raindrops.

Back Again

I realized today that life had been so busy that I hadn't journaled online in a very, very long time. Such a shame, considering how much I love to ramble.

So, quick update ...


GOOD STUFF:

- Job is going well, and I enjoy it for the most part. I've hit the busiest season of our year, in which I will have to live, breathe, and think "Catalog Season," that faster-than-the-speed of light time when we pump out more than 80 custom catalogs with over 200 custom pages in less than four months. Ahh, the insanity.

- Dog is good. Still acting puppyish out of pure joy since becoming a house pet. You'd never know she's a grumpy middle-aged woman in dog years.

- Got a raise.

- Got a NEW CAR!!!! YAY!!!

- Hair is a different color. Got highlights, and like it a lot. Don't think I'll go back.

- And, on a random note, it is ALMOST the one-year anniversary of my breaking my right foot, my car tags expiring and then failing emissions so I can't get new ones, and my car breaking down, all within two or three weeks of each other.


BAD STUFF:

- Still struggling with paying off debt. It is an impossible hampster wheel of activity from within a prison cell.

- Mom's cancer has stopped responding to her current regimen, and is now spreading, growing at a pace that is frightening. I keep praying for God to heal her and give her strength. Sometimes, I am ashamed I forget about her illness while I'm busy with my life. Other times, I am so overwhelmed with pain and sorrow that I don't know what to do. But I am so enormously grateful that she has made it this far. Was it only last October that she was diagnosed?