Thursday, March 16, 2006

pleased to announce ... failure

Oh, I've been a terrible entrepreneur and blogger lately. Everything I said I would do--well, I didn't. To make matters worse, I've been doubting again. Is this the right thing? Why haven't I gotten started, already? Why do I even think that I should join the esteemed ranks of stationers of America? They've been doing it better and longer than I ever have or will.

*sigh*

I joined Paperpreneurs over a year ago, full of faith in my new venture that had yet to take off. Months and months later, I am better equipped to enter the field, but less inclined. I don't know if I really want to do marketing and accounting and sales. I don't know if I really want to sell paper, or just to buy it. I've run dry, and I am embarrassed to know that I am one of the only members who hasn't actually started her business yet.

It's not even a sorrowful feeling I have as I write this public confession. It is a weariness ... a reluctant, yet honest, look at what I truly find important in my life.

I don't mean to publish a rollercoaster diary of fast-paced ups and downs. It must be exhausting to read. Goodness knows it is exhausting to write and live. One day I am the very picture of a budding entrepreneur and the next I am a consummate homebody, reluctant to do anything beyond the daily grind. I talk to my friends and they are confused: is she, or isn't she, gonna do this thing?

I could whine and say I don't have enough money--but that's the easy way out. I know of others who have started with less than what I have. I could say I've decided to do other things--but I haven't, not really. I could laugh and write it all off as hormones--but it isn't.

Fact of the matter is, I'm just plumb tired (read: "plum tarrrred"), as they would say here in East Tennessee.

The good news is this: I have started to live each day of my life as it comes. I've slowed down my blogging and e-mailing and participating in forums in favor of doing things offline, in the real world. I've started trying to eat healthier (that Hardee's Thickburger tonight doesn't count--I was hungry). I've lost weight (yippee!). I've made new friends. I've found a church that is challenging me spiritually and helping me grow as a person. I've re-discovered the beauty of the Bible. Life is good again, even if it is more confusing than it was last year, and even though I am worn out from planning and dreaming.

Next stop? Who knows.

4 comments:

Tara said...

I'm another paperpreneur who hasn't officially started the business yet... I find it very hard to work a job I don't really like, and then come home to give another 100% to something that could make me happy. Even if it could make me happy! Therefore everything moves at a snail's pace, and sometimes it seems like it will never happen. But don't beat yourself up. Maybe now is just not the right time... You don't have to know! Good luck)

mary lewis said...

andrea,I hope everything works out the way you would like. I will keep you in my prayers

Alicia said...

I'm so glad you found a church family! Woohoo!

i *heart* paper said...

Don't feel discouraged. Keep your perspective...a lot of what you read is hype - inflated to make you think everyone is doing a lot better than they actually are.

With that said, stay true to what you love about paper. If you enjoy collecting and selling it, then maybe you should start off with a small Internet business selling what you love. Then, perhaps introduce a limited edition set of products that you designed.

Or, design a limited edition set of paper products and sell them through one of the Indie Collectives or similar. This way, you can try it out, see how you like it, with minimal commitment :-)

Best wishes!! Don't fret or feel down. It's a big decision.