getting past myself

As always, I'm great on dreaming, pretty good on planning, and horrible on actually doing. Not because I don't care (quite the opposite!), but possibly because I care so much that I become scared of the enormity of whatever I'm seeting out to do and ... well ... I never get passed that.

You know? Fight or flight? What they don't tell you about is the third survival instinct: freeze. That's what I do best. Like a deer caught in the headlights, I stare in shock at the big event, dillema, or opportunity bearing down on me, and it becomes my downfall.

I am fighting my inner freeze with everything I've got right now. It's like having daily--even hourly--pep talks with myself. I can do it. I can do it. I will do it.

• I will find a job in the next 4 weeks
• I will choose a paint color for my new bedroom (and the rest of the house)
• I will call friends and let them know what's going on
• I will take the time to sit down and talk with my mom about our business ideas
• I will then do the business ideas, even in the midst of the move
• I will keep promises to friends and family
• I will pack only what is necessary for the move
• I will coordinate setting up utilities, forwarding mail, deep-cleaning the house, and finding a good doctor/vet/beautician
• I will have fun planning a house-warming party
• I will not panic!

sleepless

So, here I am, at 3:47 am, typing away on the keyboard and wondering why in the world I can't go to sleep. I am supposed to "wake up" in less than four hours to go to work. This isn't going to be pretty.

By 11:00 am today, I will be undergoing what I hope will not, but fear will be, a trial under fire of sorts at the tea room. Because of circumstances beyond the owner's control, only she and I will be working today. Two people doing what 4-5 normally do. If people heed the mental signals of distress I am sending out right now, they will avoid the tea room at all costs and give us a nice, boring day with only one bridal shower and a handful of walk-ins so that I can cook and she can serve and we can both leave at a decent hour before I have to go to my next job. If my fears come true, however, we are going to be slammed and have more than a few annoyed patrons on our hands when we can't seat them right away, take their orders right away, and make their food right away. Please, oh please, oh please don't be like that!

On the other hand, I have only ever called in once at the Big Retail Store, and that was due to a sudden illness back in October or November, I think. If this sleeplessness continues, and I am completely worn out from the tea room, I may have to beg out of working in the evening due to incoherence and exaustion.

After having written all this, I think I know what is wrong with me: I had a skull-throbbing headache all day that increased in intensity until I finally couldn't stand it around dinner time and took a couple of ibuprofin. By midnight, when the pain still hadn't reliquished, I took Excedrin Migraine with some Diet Pepsi--my sure-fire headache extinguishing combo. Of course, I had hoped to fall asleep before the caffeine kicked in, but I guess I missed out on that. However, the good news is that my headache is finally gone.

The bad news is that I still have to use knives in the morning. This could get messy.

all coming together ...

The checklist is almost all checked off now for buying the house. I think they're only waiting on the appraisal to come through in order to finish the loan process, and then we (OK, my parents) close on the new house sometime in the next two weeks.

Somebody pinch me. Is this real? I still can't believe that I'm beginning yet another new phase in my life. This time around, I'm going to start packing earlier, label boxes more accurately, and hold a great big yard sale to get rid of all the clothing that doesn't fit, items I don't use, and other "one man's junk is another man's treasure" type stuff.

Oh, and get a job. Or two. Or three. Whatever it takes to support myself.

So ... when is somebody going to invent money that actually DOES grow on tree?

*Gulp*

Told one of my bosses today about my intent to move in July. She took it surprisingly well, considering the kind of week she's had. I was scared to tell her--not because of her (she's wonderful!)--but because I know how rough it's been lately at the tea room due to scheduling conflicts, and she depends on me to be there to keep things running on the weekends.

I'm relieved to have it all out in the open at last, although it still feels surreal.

No news yet on the job I interviewed for ...

LCE ... Phase One

It happened.

The Life Change Event has really happened.

My family is investing in a house. And my brother and I are going to "rent" it.

In about 3 weeks my parents expect to sign the paperwork and close on the property. My brother will move in right away, since his current lease expires next month, and I will be moving out of my parents' basement and into the upstairs of the new house as soon as I get a job out in the Nashville area. My share of the investment will be interior decorating and "housekeeping" while I live there over the next couple of years until we sell it (hopefully at a nice profit!).

I'm actually moving back to Middle Tennessee!

I am too excited for words at the moment. But even more exciting ... and much more frightening ... I have a job interview tomorrow at 11:00 am. I'm driving out tonight after work in order to be at the interview on time and I'm nervous as can be. It seems too good to be true that I would find out about the offer on the house AND a call for an interview on the same day.

I'm on pins and needles right now, folks. Pins and needles.

Possibilities

As my life has drifted away from the e-life and back into "life" life, I've found myself going into survival mode. I've taken a sabbatical, so to speak, from the computer and have unconsciously avoided writing, designing, business planning, and any other form of creative outlet. I don't know if it is a kind of mental fast or if it is just my realizing that I simply do not have the energy to create new things.

Ruby Red? It might be a long way off. I may never become a booming enterprise, but I do not regret of minute of planning or dreaming.

My two jobs? Still keeping me busy. Exaustedly.

And the life changing event ... one that I hadn't anticipated, but have dreamed about for quite some time ... is still in the works. I'll know in the next two weeks if it will happen or not. If it does, I'll call all my friends and share the good news, choose colors and styles, and then throw myself into a whirlwind of planning and preparation.

(No, no! I can tell what you're thinking! The life change event has nothing to do with the diamond rings, the color white, or invitations).

PMLCEPWKYU

Possible Major Life Change Event in Progress Will Keep You Updated