Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Things I Can't Stand

I may not be a designer by profession, but I started out as one, studied to be one, and spent the better part of my childhood years doing things that only a designer with an eye for things to "look right" would do ... like organize the play blocks by shape and size, or know the difference between pink and peach (at age 3.)

In short, design is one of very few things in which I feel completely comfortable making snap judgments. For instance: that sweater is hideous. Or: move that picture over a couple of inches. Or: that table is completely wrong for this room.

I may not sing the praises of this team vs. that team, but I sure will argue this font vs. that font. I won't tell you I'm not comfortable with your attitude if I'm feeling nervous or intimidated, but I will tell you if your butt looks fat in those jeans. I'll try to see things from your perspective, but not if your perspective is that Precious Moments characters should be featured on your walls, or that a collection of deer heads is the most attractive mantle ornament out there. Just fair warning.

With this in mind, let me share a list of Things I Can't Stand. Some of them aren't even design related. You may be familiar with a few of them (as I've certainly mentioned them before,) and you might relate to them, but perhaps not ALL of them. So I hope you enjoy this bitter list, or better yet, cringe with me. If you disagree, I'm sorry to hear that and will graciously step off your toes. But I'm still right. ;-)


1. Knotty Pine ANYTHING. If it isn't a hunting lodge or part of a wooden shrine to the 70s, it's got to go.
2. Geese with clothing and bonnets. You know what I'm talking about.
3. Hangers facing different directions in the closet. Daniel and I had a recent conversation about this. It's a pet peeve of his, too. Thank goodness we are hanger-direction-compatible.
4. Cords. Just ask my husband. I am a real cord-Natzi. They clutter things up and look ugly and you can trip over them!
5. Pictures that aren't aligned well on the wall. I don't care that you wanted to hang it on a stud. It's driving me crazy!
6. Camouflage in the living room. Not even a jacket. I take that back, camouflage anywhere other than the forest when you're hiding.
7. Ruffles with lace from the 80s. *shudder*
8. Comic Sans. Period.
9. Floral stationery or prints that aren't sleek and modern. I don't know why, but this makes me think of dusty fake floral arrangements. You know, the kind that sit in tired hotel foyers.
10. Movies where cussing is used like punctuation marks in every sentence. Ruin a perfectly good plot, why dontcha?
11. Knock-offs that don't even bother to change anything other than the quality of a piece. Way original. Way to go.
12. Knick. Knacks. Everywhere. *cringe*
13. Monochromatic belongings. Unless, of course, it's a personal preference. But if you can't throw in an extra color here or there ... it just seems so bleak.
14. Weeding. I'll never be a horticulturalist. I'm doomed to a life of pebbles and porches and brick pathways. I'd love to have a garden or a landscaped plot, but I just don't have the patience.
15. Speaking of patience ... TV commercials. If it doesn't make me laugh or salivate, what's the point? Let's get back to that show in progress, please. I'm a busy woman.
16. Peas, lima beans, and sweet potatoes. I've tried. I really, truly have.

What's your list?

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