It's a Bee-you-ti-ful Day!

Thank you, God, for sunshine. And blue skies. And green grass.

Oh my, oh my, I am in a most definite spring fever mood. Yee-haw!

My mother and I just spent about an hour outside photographing the books that I helped design at my last job. She's learning professional photography skills (slowly), so she was more than happy to try her hand at doing a "product shoot," and I was more than happy to let her. I need to have some good examples of my design work so that my portfolio has more than just my college things in it. If either one of the design jobs I've applied for comes through, I need to have something to show for the last 6 months of my professional life.

I'm hoping and praying that whatever job comes my way will:

a) be just in time to pay that pesky lease-break fee come April 15.

b) allow me to have time to work on Ruby Red (not to mention the finances!)

c) not be as stressful as my last one.

That's not too much to ask for, is it? Oh, well. At least I enjoyed the wonderful spring weather here in Tennessee! My apologies to any reader who is stuck in the North and can't share my jubilation : P

Weird Dream

So I had a dream last night that I had to go back for one last test to prove that I had remembered everything I learned in high school.

"But I graduated from college! Doesn't that count?" I whined.

Alas, I still went to the testing site, where I was led down into an ancient cavern. The "floor" of this cavern was covered in about six feet of slimey, gooey, disgusting black-brown bogginess. My test, it turns out, was to strain this bog of vegetation, trash, and, are you ready for this?, dinosaur skeletons. Dozens of them.

Next, I had to clear an enormous field by hand and plant corn in it. By the time I had (miraculously) finished my two impossible tasks the sun was setting and I realized, with horror, that I had never shown up at my first day at work for the job I had just gotten the day before!

Well. I don't normally publish my bizarre dreams so others can poke and prod about my brain and its subconscious endeavors to sort out my life, but I don't think I need a shrink to figure this one out. How does this sound:

1. I'm stressing out about my lack of income and my job hunt to support myself and my baby business. (Being unable to show up for work due to unusual circumstances).

2. I feel like my graphic design education has failed me and pulled me down into a dirty, nasty mess (hence the archaic dinosaurs and the bog).

3. I'm scared my future design employer will not think I have what it takes. (The test after college for basic skills).

What do you think? Maybe I should just scrap the stationery business idea and go into the interpretation of dreams biz.

He is Risen

I had an amazing thought today--brace yourself for this one--It's perfectly acceptable for me to not be the absolute best at everything I do.

I know, I know, this isn't a new idea. Many have said it before me, but I think I just acknowledged it all over again this morning as I sat in the Easter service at a church I had never before attended.

It's all about focus. That's simple enough, right? Except I have so many dreams, so many goals, so many ideas!

I know many people do not share my beliefs, so I do not mean to tread on any toes here, but, for me, God is the center of my existence. He is my focus. Everything else needs to fall in line behind.

I've known this for as long as I've been a Christian; in fact, I said as much in one of my recent posts, but everyone needs a reminder of their priorities now and then. Mine just came in the form of a gentle nudge inside, a whisper, if you will. The Man of Gallilee holding out his hand and saying, as he did so many years ago, "follow Me."

If following Him is the only one thing I truly accomplish in this life, then it will have been worth it.

I'm Internet-ed Out

I've been online for literally hours today. Mostly haunting http://www.paperpreneurs.com .

Whew! I'm exhausted.

Can you say, "overwhelmed"?

Well, for some reason I've written about three posts that Blogger hasn't published. I hope this one gets through.

So much has happened. In chronological order, give or take a few days:

1. I turned in my keys and gate entrance card to my apartment. The move-out is official. By March 31, my prior address will be a thing of the past, and within two weeks I somehow have to pay them $150 towards what I owe them for breaking my lease.

2. Just as I'm driving the 5+ hours home with the last of my things, my parents tell me their house is now under contract to be sold in May, and my dad did not get the job he interviewed for in hopes of moving closer to where my brother lives and were I lived about 30 minutes from after graduating college. This means . . .

3. In two weeks, we have to find a house to live in. As long as nobody puts an offer in over Easter weekend, I think we've found the perfect place.

4. But that still leaves me nervously approaching the last few dollars in my checking account, with no income in sight. The IRS owes me big time, but I need to wait at least two more weeks for my refund check. I don't know which bills I can pay before then!

5. I got turned down for a job typing bills for a trucking company from 6 p.m. - 2:30 a.m. I guess I wasn't enthusiastic enough when I filled in my answer for the question: "Why do you want to work at _____________?" I put: "So I can earn a steady income while pursuing my goals." *Buzzzzz* Wrong answer! So much for being honest. I have a resume in at a furniture manufacturer for a graphic design job they listed. I don't have enough experience according to their add, but it doesn't hurt to apply anyway. I'll see how that works out. If it doesn't, I guess I'll apply at Cracker Barrel. I've done it and hated it before, but at least I can recite their motto "Pleasing People".

6. I keep searching the internet, lazing about, and doodling card ideas in my red sketchbook. I'm also addicted to logging on to Paperpreneurs.com for the latest buzz.

7. My soul is wilting from lack of nourishment. I've neglected reading the most important book in my life: the Bible. My prayers have been reduced to desperate pleas for help, and I no longer have a church to call my home. I've got to turn this spiritual slump around and find a good church to attend before I lose my sanity! Thank God He's in control. If it weren't for the faith I have placed in Jesus, and my unwavering belief that He has a reason for all this (trust me--I know. It's the story of my life!) I don't know how I'd make it through.

Sorry—long post, I know.

Until the next (and cheerier!) post,

I'm S-s-scarrrred.

Oooooo. My apartment is so empty! I came back to pick up some more boxes and do some cleaning. I walked in, after only a week away, and felt like I was entering somebody else's home. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was how I felt. It even smelled like vacant rental property! I wanted to sleep in, but that was impossible, as I retrieved a notice off of my door handle upon entering the night before that told me the maintenance crew would be stopping by in the morning to do a "preventive inspection" for bad smoke detectors, air filters, etc.

Anyway, the point is that my place didn't feel like my place anymore. It didn't feel like home, and my parent's house doesn't quite feel like home, and I just don't know what does feel like home anymore. It makes me kind of sad!

So, I've begun second-guessing myself. Is this really what I should be doing? Am I crazy? Is there anything else? And, most importantly, how in the world am I going to survive on what is left in my checking account?????

Considering that one of the problems with my prior job was that I was not as trained in the specifics of various computer applications as I was in "visual communication" in general. I know good design when I see it, and I have a solid grasp on at least the basics of my profession. Is it just me, or did my former employer simply fail to train me in "their way"? It terrifies me to think, however, that I may have just spent thousands on a college degree that is not going to back me up! So should I invest a few more (non-existent) thousands on an additional degree?

This is a very negative post :(. I shouldn't whine; it's unladylike, but I still feel like a little girl standing on the playground full of unfamiliar faces. I desperately want to jump on the merry-go-round with the rest of the kids, but I'm scared I'm going to fall off when it starts turning!

128 sketches later . . .

So I didn't make it to 200; that's okay, I'm sure I'll be sketching more!

I went on an expedition to browse bookstores yesterday and ended up haunting the shelves of Barnes & Nobles for over three hours. They had a wonderful selection of design books, as well as extensive craft, book binding, and papermaking section.

I left feeling recharged, if a little poorer, since I ended up taking home several of the books I browsed through while in the store. As it was, I sacrificed a Grande Decaf Latte at the coffee shop so I could bring home this book.

I also found several computer application reference manuals that I wanted to bring home, but seeing as I haven't yet saved up enough $$$ to buy Photoshop or Illustrator for myself, I decided to forego purchasing any how-to books at this time.

Instead, I'm going to continue to work on my logo design. Once I've perfected it, I'm planning on sending it here to be made into a seal and embosser.

Wow . . . it's actually real.

I'm unemployed!

The move (so far) has gone smoothly. I have a couple of more trips to make back and forth to get the rest of my stuff out of the apartment. I have way too much "stuff."

In other news, the only progress I've made on Ruby Red is to finish compiling my inspiration book, a 3-ring binder chock full of magazine and paper clippings. I get my creative juices flowing by mixing and matching textures, patterns, and fashionable accents. I'm currently in a jewelry mood.

Next up: thumbnail sketches. I'm gonna do lots and lots of thumbnail sketches. You'd think the last two years of college's drawing class and pottery classes and design classes would have worn me out in the sketching department, but I've had my year-long break and I'm rarin' to go.

My goal is to do, oh, I don't know, a couple hundred sketches (we're talking very small, very quick sketches here) by this Saturday. I'm also going to get out a notebook and write down all the things I need to do to make Ruby Red official. And then I'm going to do them. It's that simple. *hah!*