Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I'm S-s-scarrrred.

Oooooo. My apartment is so empty! I came back to pick up some more boxes and do some cleaning. I walked in, after only a week away, and felt like I was entering somebody else's home. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was how I felt. It even smelled like vacant rental property! I wanted to sleep in, but that was impossible, as I retrieved a notice off of my door handle upon entering the night before that told me the maintenance crew would be stopping by in the morning to do a "preventive inspection" for bad smoke detectors, air filters, etc.

Anyway, the point is that my place didn't feel like my place anymore. It didn't feel like home, and my parent's house doesn't quite feel like home, and I just don't know what does feel like home anymore. It makes me kind of sad!

So, I've begun second-guessing myself. Is this really what I should be doing? Am I crazy? Is there anything else? And, most importantly, how in the world am I going to survive on what is left in my checking account?????

Considering that one of the problems with my prior job was that I was not as trained in the specifics of various computer applications as I was in "visual communication" in general. I know good design when I see it, and I have a solid grasp on at least the basics of my profession. Is it just me, or did my former employer simply fail to train me in "their way"? It terrifies me to think, however, that I may have just spent thousands on a college degree that is not going to back me up! So should I invest a few more (non-existent) thousands on an additional degree?

This is a very negative post :(. I shouldn't whine; it's unladylike, but I still feel like a little girl standing on the playground full of unfamiliar faces. I desperately want to jump on the merry-go-round with the rest of the kids, but I'm scared I'm going to fall off when it starts turning!

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